Learn to Say No!

How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didn't want to do? For someone at work? Your friends? Even your spouse? All you had to do was say no, but the word didn't come out. So you end up doing it?and later resent it.

A coaching client said to me she was agreeing to things she didn't want to do, but for some reason, she felt obliged to do them. Instead of taking enjoyment in the task, she would later feel angry with herself and resentful towards the person she had said 'yes' to.

So then she went on to list further reasons why she wanted to say no. I stopped her by saying, "You are even justifying yourself to me!" We feel we have to justify ourselves and give extremely good reasons for saying no. Even when the reason is simply: "I don't want to."

Check-in With Yourself.

I asked my client what was one thing she could do to work on this. She suggested she start checking in with herself before saying yes or no. You can ask yourself, "Is this right for me?" Support yourself in doing what feels right and well with you. And if it's not something for you, try expressing that no.

Have Fun With It!

Saying no doesn't have to be serious or angry. My client also wanted to lighten up, so I recommended she try stirring it up a little, to have fun with it. You can try out different responses like, "Nope, never as long as I live" or "Baby sit your kids - are you crazy?" What are some other great responses you can try to make 'saying no' more fun?

Make a List.

I suggested my client list the areas and people in her life where she had the most trouble saying no. I told her it was up to her what to do with that list. Where do you have trouble saying no? Is it perhaps time to have some honest conversations with people?

Try this: "This is what I have been doing. I have been saying yes, when I have wanted to say no. I am starting to feel resentful and I don't want to feel that way. I don't want to offend you, and I need to start listening to myself." At the very least, they will have a heads-up that things might be a little different from now one. And - it helps you make an internal shift.

Taking the Plunge.

So what is the worst that could happen by saying no? You might lose some people in your life who are used to you doing what they want. Living an authentic life can seem tough. Sometimes there will be unwelcome consequences.

And I say: Bring on the consequences! In the end, it's worth it.

David Wood is a personal and business coach, and an original founder of the International Coach Academy - a global coach training school.

Looking to become a life coach? Get your free copy of '50 Power Questions' to use with your life coaching clients, and to take charge of your own life. Download here:http://www.solutionbox.com/freedownload.htm

And find out how these ordinary life coaches are making $30,000 to $1.4 million per year! Finally they share their secrets: http://www.10SuperCoaches.com

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

God, Grant Me Patience.....And, I Want It Now!!
Are you facing a difficult time in your life? Do you feel like a fish out of water? If today was a fish, would you want to throw it back in the river? If this is your situation, make no negative destructive decisions. Be Patient.
What is the Success Lesson in this Story?
One of my clients gave me permission to tell you his story.Jim called me 9 months ago and asked for help.
Personal Life Coaching And How It Can Help You
Coaching is an effective process used to support individuals in creating something new for themselves. I work side by side with my clients' coaching them by providing perspective and support for self-knowledge as they accomplish their business and personal goals.
Personal Core Values: Your Key to Success and Happiness
Each of us has our own set of personal values; these are the things which we believe are important, which motivate us and to which we give priority. If I asked you what your personal values are, the chances are that you would struggle to find the answer.
Do You See Clearly?
"I don't see how I can just make up my mind to be happy and successful; and suddenly, magically, I will be. That seems to me to be a denial of my reality.
Fear of Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is one of the most wonderful experiences we ever have. Nothing else really comes close to the experience of sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with another, of being deeply seen and known, of sharing love, passion, laughter, joy, and/or creativity.
Coaching: The Art of Putting Yourself In Somone Elses Shoes
COACHING STEPS: The following are five (5) steps a coach can take to change behavior and performance. The goal of this process is to create the context for the person being coached towards one in which excellence becomes the norm.
Can I Be My Own ADD Coach?
Quite often I am in contact with people who discuss acting as an ADD Coach for their child or spouse. While supporting and helping loved ones with ADD is a great idea, acting as an ADD Coach really isn't a great idea.
The Pitfalls of Procrastination
We all put off making decisions and taking action sometimes (yes, me too). It's okay to do that occasionally but if you are a regular pontificator then it will constantly cause you pain, even if you aren't aware of it.
Coaching Prime Time
An awful lot of fantastic coaching has been coming out of Hollywood lately, have you noticed? Whether it's Morgan Spurlock's feature film debut "Supersize Me"..
Business Career, Executive Coaching Article - Leadership: Understanding the Human Condition
"Nothing is more practical than for people to deepen themselves. The more you understand the human condition the more effective you are as a businessperson.
Permission To Have FUN
? Have you been working long hours? ? Have you been managing 10 (or more) tasks at once?? Are you combining several different personal and professional roles?99% of my clients are experts at managing lifestyles similar to those above and this issue is dedicated to all of you.Your reward for managing your lives so well is permission to have some FUN.
Are You Too Critical?
First of all, criticalness breaks up more relationships, than anything else. And that criticalness is usually over the children or money!Criticalness can be seen in eyes that slant down.
Dont Settle
Settling is about not embracing what is best for you, and accepting what you really don't want. When you settle, you accept less than you deserve.
Happiness and Work: Your Life Depends On It.
Early one morning, Robert awoke, made his wife of 41 years some banana bread, took out the garbage and called to cancel a doctors appointment scheduled for the next day. He wrote a note to remind his wife to pick up the dry cleaning.
Parts that Make the Whole? or Not
There are many parts that make up you.There's the Musical You, the Friendly You, the Amazing You, the Genius You, the Calm You, the Peaceful You, and many more parts that make up who you are - much like an identity check list:All round good guy/gal part - checkUniquely amazing you part - checkWitty and intelligent part - checkLovable and charming part - checkMoody and indecisive part - who me??? Never?Selfish and greedy part - not me! Never?Self opinionated - Nope, not me! Never?We all have wonderful attributes; we also have parts not so wonderful which we'd rather keep hidden but really, it's okay to acknowledge we have both.
Tips For Singles On Celebrating The New Year
It's four weeks away and you don't have any plans. Many of your friends will be away or out with their significant others.
Whats in it for me if I Hire A Coach?
1. An unshakable foundation:Create and build your life from the ground up.
What The Buddha Says About Coaches
There is a Buddhist saying that goes like this: "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill it." This means to kill any concept of the Buddha as something apart from oneself.
Do You Ever Give Up Coaching Employees?
In principle, we don't want to give up coaching employees. We want to believe that we can eventually make a difference.