Budda In Your Back Pocket

The other day I was late for something. Not very late. In fact, I was actually on time but an angry voice berated me anyway, saying, "You are late! There will be no seats left. You wouldn't run late if you were more organized!" It was a terrible feeling, especially because the voice was partially right.

Who was this voice yelling at me? It was my nemesis - the Shrew who lives in my head.

We all get annoyed at ourselves from time to time; it is only natural. But for some of us, it can become an unrelenting bother. There can be no contentment when the Shrew is on the scene!

Some call it a gremlin, others an inner critic, others negative self-talk. I call her the Shrew. No matter what you call yours, you know who I mean. She's fierce, she's damning and she's quick to pounce on every mistake you make, turning them into capital offenses. The Shrew exaggerates our flaws, smashes our self-esteem, ruins our confidence, distracts us from what we are doing and makes us miserable.

I am choosing not to live with it anymore! I invite you to do the same. There is a force which can tame the Shrew: The Buddha in Your Back Pocket*.

Think of a time when you witnessed a stranger being scolded and felt badly for them. Perhaps it was a worker being accused by an angry boss of "screwing things up" for something you knew wasn't their fault. Did you wish you could go up to that worker and say, "Don't pay any attention to them. I saw what happened and I know you are a doing a good job!"

This softer side of you is the anti-Shrew. It is empathy and compassion. The Shrew is afraid of it because she fears you might offer it to yourself. It is a skill to learn to apply this loving, tender, supportive side of ourselves to ourselves. Many of us, me included, are not in the habit of it.

The morning I was late, Ms. Shrew was in full force. But, before she could ruin my day, I was able to ward her off by pulling out the Buddha in My Back Pocket. It felt a bit like Luke Skywalker yielding a light saber against Darth Vader. "Luke, use the force!"

I let the powerful voice of the Buddha in My Back Pocket counter the accusations of the Shrew. He asked, "What were your reasons for making the choices you did this morning?" and "Would you make these same choices again?" Then he reminded me of two universal truths: "You are doing the best you can" and "Growth involves observing one's actions and then learning from them." Under this influence of love and a genuine intention to seek understanding, I was able to temporarily silence the Shrew, objectively analyze my "lateness" and gain valuable personal insight. Within a few minutes, I felt relieved, re-engaged in life and able to peacefully continue with the rest of my day.

Unfortunately, we can't eradicate the Shrew completely. But we can learn to access this equalizing force: the pursuit of empathetic understanding - a loving friend that takes your side and helps you learn about yourself in a safe and protected way. The Buddha in your Back Pocket is always with you to calm your mind, forgive your errs, and remind you of the growth in your life. As you cultivate your relationship with the Buddha in your Back Pocket, you will experience more self-love, confidence and peace.

Life is too short to spend time unnecessarily berating ourselves with critical self-talk! Go forth into your day and bring the Buddha in Your Back Pocket with you. You never know when you might need it!

*I do not wish to offend anyone by using the title Buddha. I have the utmost respect for the Buddhist tradition. In this article, I refer to Buddha as a representation of an enlightened teacher offering guidance to those who chose to listen.

Deirdre's coaching is an accelerant that helps produce results. Through scheduled teleconferences, Deirdre creates a structured environment where you can work towards your goals. Using practical analysis, active listening and brainstorming, she challenges you to improve your quality of life immediately.

Looking for a topic and speaker for your next meeting? Why not: "How to Create Exceptional Work-Life Balance" based on Deirdre's upcoming book Intensely Content: Seven Steps to Experiencing More Joy in Your Life? Work-Life balance is always a crowd-pleasing topic! Call Deirdre today to discuss the details of your event: 207-439-4280.

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

How to Kill Fear When Dealing with Aggressive People
The book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers is regarded as a self help classic. Have you read it?I read it many years ago and I was disappointed by the content of this book that has helped a lot of people take control of their fears.
Whats Next Syndrome
Terms like Postpartum, Post Traumatic and Post Gulf War are all well-known Syndromes - mysteries no longer to the medical community or even those of us who count ourselves among the great unwashed. We hear and read everyday about the negative outcomes from life-threatening trauma.
Anger: To Control or To Learn
Many of us will do anything to avoid another's anger, yet may be quick to anger ourselves. Many of us dread another's anger yet continue to use our own anger as a way to control others.
Getting What You Need: Ask For Help!
"Fortune befriends the bold." - John DrydenI regularly work with clients on making major life changes in line with a new definition of personal success.
How to Optimize the Awesome Power of Thoughts and Imagination
Have you encountered a time when you were in a traffic jam and was running late for an important meeting? Did you stay calmand focused? Or did your mind wander into the dark side ofthe impending consequences that may occur?If you're always picturing people getting mad at you and thinking of negative outcomes, then your body suffers as well. You may experience chest pains, anxiety disorders, indigestion, and other health problems.
Taking The Coach Approach
When you use what you go through to grow through, you take the coach approach. I am suggesting that you hire your own counsel.
Coaching is Asking the Right Questions
Have you ever known anyone who asked themselves "Why me?" over and over every time something happened they didn't like? Or how about, "What did I do to deserve this?" And my favorite, "Whose fault was that?" Perhaps, these questions have popped into your head once or twice before.When we ask ourselves questions, our brain hunts for the answer.
Executive Coaching and Effective Learning
We've all been through training events-workshops, seminars, and courses that didn't affect our behavior as much as we would have preferred. And while each provides valuable information and tools for increased productivity, most of us also understand what happens after the workshop is over.
Belief Management - The Missing Ingredient?
"Joan, I'm working so hard and I'm not getting anything done!" I have heard some version of this cry of frustration by many an entrepreneur. It's a common complaint voiced by those of use who sought the freedom to have complete authority over our schedules, only to find ourselves unwittingly shackled by old ways of operating.
Do You Really Need A Home Business Mentor?
Having a mentor can mean the difference between success and failure if you want to have a successful Internet home business.Many of you have dreamed of owning your own Internet business, and have probably been involved in countless opportunities, and succeeded at none.
So Why Are They Really Here?
It does make you wonder sometimes, doesn't it? You know the folks I'm talking about. The ones who seem to be wandering around in the middle of a fog bank.
Guilt: Is it Getting in the Way of Your Self-Care?
When Do We Usually Feel Guilty? When:We're not feeling ok about who we are.We're not feeling ok about the choices we're making.
The Fastest Way to Ruin Yourself
I don't know many people who would admit to wanting to ruin themselves, but there are a lot of people who are doing everything they can to accomplish that very goal. They certainly don't see it that way, but if you look at the way they live, you can see it happening.
Throw a No-Heat Party for the Planet
Is it really possible to have loads of fun, and help the planet at the same time? I remember the first No-heat party I went to. It was on the coldest night of winter that year, according to the Farmer's Almanac.
Beware of Psychic Vampires
I am often asked how I stay happy and motivated all the time. The answer has two parts to it; positivity and self-talk.
How to Get More Business Without Even Trying
Why are you in business? Hopefully you enjoy what you do, however is it because you want to make money so that you can have, be and do more in your life?Who pays you? Your clients do and never forget that. Unfortunately many people do.
Creating An Effective Toolbox For Success
WHAT'S IN YOUR TOOLBOX?Think tools are just for builders and construction workers? Think again!Everyone needs a well stocked toolbox.Over the years, given the wisdom of life's experiences and much learning, I have assembled my own psychological toolbox.
A Murder Mystery Puzzle for You to Solve
Anybody who has visited my website at Motivation & Self Esteem for Success or has read any of the many articles I have written will realise what a proponent I am of reading books and educating yourself. If you want to become successful at anything you simply must do this, in my opinion.
It's All To Do With The Way You Wake Up
Do you start your day with anger, frustration and annoyance at the alarm and the need to get up? Do you wake up hoping the day will go away and you can get back to sleep? Have you lost the fun? The confidence to have a go at things. Are you struggling along? Are you just going through the rituals of life? Are you just doing enough at work? Doing what is necessary because you think you 'ought, should, must do this for the sake of others? Do you feel all washed up and no one is interested in you? Do you feel devoid of vibrancy, and sense of purpose, an aimless victim buffeted by the winds of change? It's all to do with the way you wake up.
Coaching May Be For You
Are you looking for someone who will hold you accountable to achieving your goals? Career coaching and mentoring may be what you need to accomplish what you really want in your career. Your friends and family certainly love you and want the best for you, but they can't always make the time to devote the necessary hours you may need to achieve your objectives and goals.