Learn to Say No!

How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didn't want to do? For someone at work? Your friends? Even your spouse? All you had to do was say no, but the word didn't come out. So you end up doing it?and later resent it.

A coaching client said to me she was agreeing to things she didn't want to do, but for some reason, she felt obliged to do them. Instead of taking enjoyment in the task, she would later feel angry with herself and resentful towards the person she had said 'yes' to.

So then she went on to list further reasons why she wanted to say no. I stopped her by saying, "You are even justifying yourself to me!" We feel we have to justify ourselves and give extremely good reasons for saying no. Even when the reason is simply: "I don't want to."

Check-in With Yourself.

I asked my client what was one thing she could do to work on this. She suggested she start checking in with herself before saying yes or no. You can ask yourself, "Is this right for me?" Support yourself in doing what feels right and well with you. And if it's not something for you, try expressing that no.

Have Fun With It!

Saying no doesn't have to be serious or angry. My client also wanted to lighten up, so I recommended she try stirring it up a little, to have fun with it. You can try out different responses like, "Nope, never as long as I live" or "Baby sit your kids - are you crazy?" What are some other great responses you can try to make 'saying no' more fun?

Make a List.

I suggested my client list the areas and people in her life where she had the most trouble saying no. I told her it was up to her what to do with that list. Where do you have trouble saying no? Is it perhaps time to have some honest conversations with people?

Try this: "This is what I have been doing. I have been saying yes, when I have wanted to say no. I am starting to feel resentful and I don't want to feel that way. I don't want to offend you, and I need to start listening to myself." At the very least, they will have a heads-up that things might be a little different from now one. And - it helps you make an internal shift.

Taking the Plunge.

So what is the worst that could happen by saying no? You might lose some people in your life who are used to you doing what they want. Living an authentic life can seem tough. Sometimes there will be unwelcome consequences.

And I say: Bring on the consequences! In the end, it's worth it.

David Wood is a personal and business coach, and an original founder of the International Coach Academy - a global coach training school.

Looking to become a life coach? Get your free copy of '50 Power Questions' to use with your life coaching clients, and to take charge of your own life. Download here:http://www.solutionbox.com/freedownload.htm

And find out how these ordinary life coaches are making $30,000 to $1.4 million per year! Finally they share their secrets: http://www.10SuperCoaches.com

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

How to Forgive Another for Past Hurts
No one gets through life without being hurt by another person. We all have experienced the pain of a thoughtless remark, gossip, or lie.
What Can Be Changed In Management To Improve Bottom Line Results?
If you don't have the full support and understanding of key management positions, any organizational changes being made are going to be thwart with difficulties. It is up to CEOs and Presidents to champion the cause and ensure their managerial teams are also in full support, so that it can filter down through the ranks more smoothly.
How to Hire a Coach
Improve Your Life! How to Hire A Coach.A reader writes, "I do not know how or where to contact a coach here.
The Pitfalls of Procrastination
We all put off making decisions and taking action sometimes (yes, me too). It's okay to do that occasionally but if you are a regular pontificator then it will constantly cause you pain, even if you aren't aware of it.
Magic Potions We All Need This Time of Year
As winter descends we begin to feel the chill of shorter days and less sunlight. For many of us, less hours of light combined with colder temperatures results in us feel less light emotionally.
Buyer Beware: Choose A Business Coach Carefully To Get The Results You Want
Consider this scenario. A colleague suggests you get a business coach.
Its Not What You Think
My work in organizations involves dropping habitual ways of perceiving in order to contact a fresh and subtle perceiving "under the surface" of what is going on. That deeper sense of perceiving allows the emergence of what I call the Engaging Leader, or the genuine expression of myself and the collective.
Mailey's Introspections [Monday, December 6th 2005]
As I work with clients as their introspective Inner Peace/Relationship coach, an issue that has come to my awareness is the tendency we have as human beings to stray away from the present moment. Some people tend to live mostly in the past, some live in the future, while still others ricochet from future to past and back to the future again.
Corporate Coaching - Why Coach? C(5)+ED
Is it possible to make a strong "business case for corporate coaching?" Why is coaching vital to organizations? Why should leaders invest time developing their coaching skills? These are tough, important questions that organizations should consider before implementing coaching.The need for corporate coaching certainly depends on the situation.
The American Dream - Are We Really Free?
The promises of THE AMERICAN DREAM (to have it all and enjoy it all, based on materialistic values system) has been holding us captive and threatening to take our power and freedom away- without our awareness, like a thief in the night.Consciously or unconsciously we make daily decisions to either be a master of our own ship or destiny, if you will, or be a slave to our own circumstances and to other people*s expectations and belief systems that don*t serve our highest good and purpose.
How to Save Yourself from Negative Influences
Watching the news can be hazardous to your health.It's a fact, especially when you're watching events related to terrorism, kidnapping, murder, accidents, or calamities.
Executive Coaching
The higher you climb the ladder in this organization, the less chance you have of getting feedback about your performance. The working rule of thumb is "the farther up you go, the stranger things get," especially in the way you are reviewed and rewarded.
Transform Your Image And Accelerate Your Success
Being a lifelong student, I am regularly attending seminars etc. to become the best I can be in all areas of my life.
Automatic Brain Works Overtime For You
Use all of your brain to be your most effective."Running on Automatic" is what I call the ability to visualize what you need to have happen.
How To Overcome Stuck States In Personal Growth
Although many of us use self-help tools like affirmations, visualizations, NLP techniques, and spiritual invocations, we sometimes find that nothing happens. This, to say the least, is disheartening.
Passport to Passion
Passion is a feeling of excitement and intensity. The energy of passion fuels a fulfilled life, and supports the growth and development of our personal purpose and potential.
The Amazing Secret To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness
One of the biggest challenges to developing superior communication skills is that you already have your hands full in those situations where you need help. Take a typical scenario - meeting new people.
Are You Addicted to Anger?
Michael was raised in a home where anger was used to control. His parents used their anger to attempt to control each other as well as their children.
Going On a Mental Diet
Diets are always in style. Every time you turn around, someone is coming out with a new and improved diet.
Choosing an Apprentice
Along the path from where you are now to millions in revenue, thousands in readers, tens of thousands of prospects, or hundreds of clients-- whatever criteria you use to define success for your coaching..