Budda In Your Back Pocket

The other day I was late for something. Not very late. In fact, I was actually on time but an angry voice berated me anyway, saying, "You are late! There will be no seats left. You wouldn't run late if you were more organized!" It was a terrible feeling, especially because the voice was partially right.

Who was this voice yelling at me? It was my nemesis - the Shrew who lives in my head.

We all get annoyed at ourselves from time to time; it is only natural. But for some of us, it can become an unrelenting bother. There can be no contentment when the Shrew is on the scene!

Some call it a gremlin, others an inner critic, others negative self-talk. I call her the Shrew. No matter what you call yours, you know who I mean. She's fierce, she's damning and she's quick to pounce on every mistake you make, turning them into capital offenses. The Shrew exaggerates our flaws, smashes our self-esteem, ruins our confidence, distracts us from what we are doing and makes us miserable.

I am choosing not to live with it anymore! I invite you to do the same. There is a force which can tame the Shrew: The Buddha in Your Back Pocket*.

Think of a time when you witnessed a stranger being scolded and felt badly for them. Perhaps it was a worker being accused by an angry boss of "screwing things up" for something you knew wasn't their fault. Did you wish you could go up to that worker and say, "Don't pay any attention to them. I saw what happened and I know you are a doing a good job!"

This softer side of you is the anti-Shrew. It is empathy and compassion. The Shrew is afraid of it because she fears you might offer it to yourself. It is a skill to learn to apply this loving, tender, supportive side of ourselves to ourselves. Many of us, me included, are not in the habit of it.

The morning I was late, Ms. Shrew was in full force. But, before she could ruin my day, I was able to ward her off by pulling out the Buddha in My Back Pocket. It felt a bit like Luke Skywalker yielding a light saber against Darth Vader. "Luke, use the force!"

I let the powerful voice of the Buddha in My Back Pocket counter the accusations of the Shrew. He asked, "What were your reasons for making the choices you did this morning?" and "Would you make these same choices again?" Then he reminded me of two universal truths: "You are doing the best you can" and "Growth involves observing one's actions and then learning from them." Under this influence of love and a genuine intention to seek understanding, I was able to temporarily silence the Shrew, objectively analyze my "lateness" and gain valuable personal insight. Within a few minutes, I felt relieved, re-engaged in life and able to peacefully continue with the rest of my day.

Unfortunately, we can't eradicate the Shrew completely. But we can learn to access this equalizing force: the pursuit of empathetic understanding - a loving friend that takes your side and helps you learn about yourself in a safe and protected way. The Buddha in your Back Pocket is always with you to calm your mind, forgive your errs, and remind you of the growth in your life. As you cultivate your relationship with the Buddha in your Back Pocket, you will experience more self-love, confidence and peace.

Life is too short to spend time unnecessarily berating ourselves with critical self-talk! Go forth into your day and bring the Buddha in Your Back Pocket with you. You never know when you might need it!

*I do not wish to offend anyone by using the title Buddha. I have the utmost respect for the Buddhist tradition. In this article, I refer to Buddha as a representation of an enlightened teacher offering guidance to those who chose to listen.

Deirdre's coaching is an accelerant that helps produce results. Through scheduled teleconferences, Deirdre creates a structured environment where you can work towards your goals. Using practical analysis, active listening and brainstorming, she challenges you to improve your quality of life immediately.

Looking for a topic and speaker for your next meeting? Why not: "How to Create Exceptional Work-Life Balance" based on Deirdre's upcoming book Intensely Content: Seven Steps to Experiencing More Joy in Your Life? Work-Life balance is always a crowd-pleasing topic! Call Deirdre today to discuss the details of your event: 207-439-4280.

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

What Do You Really Want ?
Being a coach is such a rewarding profession. The enormous impact you have on other people's lives always astounds me.
A Small Piece Of Carpet
Have you ever noticed how the way you feel about yourself sometimes depends on whether or not you get confirmation of your value from others? When you enter into challenging situations with a positive self identity you will discover that you are living your life with a greater sense of enjoyment and fulfillment.I have learned a lot about nurturing a positive identity of love and appreciation from the man who taught me to train dogs.
Creating An Effective Toolbox For Success
WHAT'S IN YOUR TOOLBOX?Think tools are just for builders and construction workers? Think again!Everyone needs a well stocked toolbox.Over the years, given the wisdom of life's experiences and much learning, I have assembled my own psychological toolbox.
People Pleasing and How to Stop!
"People pleasing can leave you feeling empty and taken advantage of." Deb MeltonOne of the ways fear shows up in our lives and keeps us from living fully is when we become a people pleaser.
The Secret of Self-Esteem
Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? Having a deep sense of inner worth is important to all of us, but many people have some false beliefs about what creates confidence in our own merit as individuals.Some of the common false beliefs regarding what creates self-esteem are:I will feel good about my self when I'm making $______(fill in the amount) a year.
The Power of Visualization
Professional athletes and other highly successful people use the power of visualization technique on a regular basis. Why? Results of a 20-year study of the effects of visualization on results revealed an amazing discovery.
Do You Mind If Someone Screams At You?
A headhunter was on the other end of the phone. He was looking for an assistant to a CEO/Owner for a small, but very successful business.
Magic Potions We All Need This Time of Year
As winter descends we begin to feel the chill of shorter days and less sunlight. For many of us, less hours of light combined with colder temperatures results in us feel less light emotionally.
Sorry Dr Maslow, I Think You Got It Wrong
In the 1950s Abraham Maslow published a book entitled " Motivation and Personality" in which he outlided his now famous Hierarchy of Needs. Over the years since its publication Maslow's work has gained wide acceptance as a tool in understanding human motivation.
Theres Always Enough Time!
I thought I'd begin this article by stimulating your mind with a little time trivia contest! Are you ready? Alright then, here goes?..
9 Guidelines For Spiritual Coaching
Spirituality coaching is more than creating goals and holding someone accountable. Spirituality coaching takes into account the whole person, that is, mind, body and spirit.
What The Buddha Says About Coaches
There is a Buddhist saying that goes like this: "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill it." This means to kill any concept of the Buddha as something apart from oneself.
Two Leadership Strategies: Don't Lose Your Mind & Be a Coach
Are you feeling overwhelmed, a lack of confidence or under a ton of pressure? Are you trying too hard to make something work and focusing too much on trying to fulfill other people's needs and expectations? You may have "lost your mind!"My small still voice often speaks to me in cryptic one-liners. I'll never forget the first time I heard the quiet whisper, "You've lost your mind.
Help! I Need to Make a Decision!
Many people who come to my office say they have a difficult time making decisions. I have developed a process to help my clients master this skill.
Do You Want to Make More Money as A Life Coach
There's a lot of coaches out there not making any money, looking for opportunities, trying to model what others are doing, networking like crazy, researching, visualizing, affirming and hoping? yes, hoping that the clients show up before the bailiffs.I've been involved in Marketing and PR and worked with and met the good, the bad and the ugly of the coaching world and can honestly say if you are not making any money there is probably a reason why that I can help you with.
Discovering Your Passion and Purpose
"I can't seem to discover why I'm on the planet.""What is my purpose here? I know there's something I'm supposed to be doing, but I don't know how to find out what it is.
A World of Possibility
When I started my sales career over 25 years ago, I worked for a small company selling telephone answering equipment. Hard to believe it but in those days I had to explain to prospects what the equipment was for and why they might want to use it.
Do you know WHAT MAKES ME MAD?? It makes me SO MAD I just want to...
Sound familiar? If you want to manage anger, the only way of doing so is to listen to your self-talk. This doesn't mean listening to yourself talk.
Who Do You Talk To?
Many of you reading this will be running businesses, or parts of, whether they are your own or not. This means that you have many things to deal with on a day to day basis plus trying to do the long-term thinking needed to lead and run the business.
Is Coaching For You?
More and more people have less and less time, but have greater demands both personally and professionally. This situation has resulted in the emergence of personal coaching within four basic areas: Financial, Physical or Fitness, Life or Career and Executive Performance.