The Amazing Secret To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness

One of the biggest challenges to developing superior communication skills is that you already have your hands full in those situations where you need help. Take a typical scenario - meeting new people.

If I give you tips for listening more effectively and you rush off to practice the tips you may not get very far no matter how hard you try. Why? Because you are likely to be self conscious when you need to be other conscious. Standing in front of the new people you want to meet you freeze and you feel so unsure of yourself that you cannot remember even one of the listening tips.

You need the ability to switch off self consciousness whenever you choose to do so. Sounds obvious only how can you do this? By switching your attention off of yourself and onto the other person.

When you are feeling self conscious you will tend to pay too much attention to the thoughts inside your head, how you are feeling and how you look.

Ironically, to develop great rapport you need to pay close attention to the other person. How is she feeling? How does she look today? Is she relaxed or tense?

The Three Elements To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness

1. Turn off the inner dialogue that makes you feel self conscious

One way to do this is to touch the roof of your mouth with your tongue when you are not talking. We tend to move our tongues when we engage in inner talk even if only very slightly. When you put the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth you interrupt the negative inner talk pattern.

Sounds simple. It is! I could write more and more about this tip but it would not help you as much as just using it. I will leave it to you to test it for yourself.

2. Give yourself a lot of external stimulation

To keep your focus off of yourself you need to put more and more attention on the other person. If you only listen to her words you still have plenty of idle brain power that will drift back to make your self consciousness grow.

Instead you need to give your conscious mind so much to pay attention to that you are totally absorbed in the other person. Become fascinated by how she expresses herself and not just by what she says.

Keep stacking on more details to simultaneously pay attention to until you are challenged without feeling overwhelmed.

Here is a list of some elements to focus on:

  • rate of breathing

  • speech rhythm

  • pupil dilation

  • changes in skin tone

  • speech patterns

  • metaphors

  • posture and movement

  • combinations of the above

The more you pay attention to the other person the less self conscious you will be because you will have become other conscious. Which is in fact the hallmark of people who make friends easily. Your clear interest in the other person will shine through.

3. Patient Persistence

The final point to remember is that patience and persistence wins the day. Play with these strategies a little each day and you will start to exhibit the traits of people who are supposedly gifted with people skills.

People skills are a matter of strategy. Learn the strategy, practice it and you too will enjoy the benefits that come to those who get along well with whoever they meet.

At the same time you need to earn the riches that await you. Many know what to do but few do what they know.

About The Author

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

peter1510@hotmail.com

More Resources

Self Improvement:Coaching Articles from EzineArticles.com
01/08/2021 11:35 AM
3 Major Differences Between New Year's Resolutions and Intentions
We have finally come to the end of another year, a year that disrupted our way of life right at the nuclear level. It's been a roller coaster of a year, both humbling and eye-opening for everybody. The biggest eye-opener was no doubt the fickle nature of life - how things can drastically change literally overnight.
01/06/2021 10:19 AM
Career Advice On How To Write A Resume Effectively For All Industries
A resume is very much important as it will give the first impression to the employers at the time of submitting your job application. There are lots of experienced professionals who actually find it difficult to write a resume for any new role. Each industry requires a resume which is not much different from the other let us how to write a resume with the following set of rules as a career advice: Do not fix your photo unless and until it is required Highlight the important and the most relevant points...
12/28/2020 06:30 PM
I Won In 2021!
There are many lessons learned after dealing with the pandemic as well as all the other issues we faced in 2020. Many people also experienced a range of emotions - some they may have never dealt with before. Throughout it though, we needed to believe (and continue to believe) that we will overcome all of this and that life will get better.
12/04/2020 09:07 AM
Do You Walk the Walk or Just Talk the Talk?
We've all no doubt had experience of people who 'know it all', who claim to be skilled and proficient in many areas, who make very impressive statements about their experience and abilities but who then repeatedly fail to deliver what's they've promised. Or those who constantly boast, are full of grand ideas and plans, yet none ever materialise. Why is it that sometimes people talk the talk but fail to walk the walk?
11/30/2020 10:20 AM
One Secret You Need To Know To Approach A Girl
Imagine if you could walk up to any woman, and just talk? Just have a conversation and not be afraid. If that whats you want then you need this to know this one secret.
11/23/2020 07:46 AM
Heal Your Mind, Heal Your Life
Let's be frank from the onset: grief is inevitable in life and affects anyone regardless of creed, race, genders, and beliefs. There is no way to avoid grief, however, there are many ways to avoid that the damaging effects of a prolonged grieving period embed severe consequences on the lifestyle itself. Thankfully, neuroscience comes our way and brings increasing evidence that our mind and body synergies can be worked with or accompanied and convert into long-lasting benefits what could instead alter and potentially severely damage health and lifestyle.
11/09/2020 12:50 PM
5 Fun Simple Ways to Get Out of Your Way
In my years of being a coach is not often as easy as others pose to be. It takes hard work, patience, persistence, connection to my source.
10/30/2020 09:12 AM
How Working With a Positivity Coach Makes You Benefited?
Fast-Tracked Results If you don't have a specific goal you desire to achieve, being confused about where to start, or afraid of having an exact objective, you must be lacking the innate positivity that makes you insecure or timid. This is the exact place or time to join a positivity coach who can get you move on the right track to reach the goal that you're scared to think of today. In this competitive world with millions of unemployed youth suffering from deep depression and sadness, deficiency of self-confidence is nothing surprising and that is...
10/12/2020 10:04 AM
What Is Your Life Position?
How you think and feel about yourself will affect ever area of your life; it will impact on your behaviour and levels of performance. If this is all working out for you - great. If on the other hand things aren't working out as well as you hoped, then you might want to consider your life position; many of you will have a life position based upon conditional elements. Tis article will help you to identify your dominant life position.
08/11/2020 11:42 AM
I Lived In A Cage And It Sucked
I recently bought Glennon Doyle's book "Untamed" and I'm so glad I did. I'm resonating with her stories. She's like my sister from another mister, who like me lived in a cage of expectations to be someone she wasn't in order to fit in with everyone else.
07/10/2020 04:49 PM
Celebrate Good Times, Come On!
Celebrating is good for the old mindset. This article offers from fun ways to do just that, celebrate!
07/02/2020 11:40 AM
To Be an Outstanding Communicator Your Voice Really Matters
"We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us." -Friedrich Nietzsche This is one of the quotes I have on my office "inspiration board," which reminds me every morning to sound my best on teleconferencing calls. We all wish to be "outstanding communicators" who can persuade people of our ideas and our visions of a new strategy.
06/15/2020 02:45 PM
The Differences We Pay Attention To
We have been on a long road as a human race. We should be able to come together by now. This is not the case. What is the difference that you are paying attention to? Is it possible for us to get past what has become an increasing trend in our recent history? It seems as if it can only go one of two ways. We come together and move forward as one humankind... or, we do not.
05/27/2020 09:02 AM
An Everlasting Debate - Which Is Better? Forgiveness or Retribution
This article discusses the topic of an everlasting debate, regarding the importance of forgiveness vs. retribution in man's life. Some people, including religious preachers, prefer forgiveness over the tendency of taking revenge. However, some people feel that retribution to some extent is needed for correcting the mindset of miscreants.
03/28/2020 07:45 PM
What Is Soul Coaching for Purpose?
How can a Soul Coach help me? Why working with a Soul Coach for Purpose - where does this bring me.
03/10/2020 02:46 PM
Coaching Employees in the Workplace for Improved Performance
In today's highly competitive business world, the most important asset of any company is human capital Tens, hundreds or thousands of employees that make up the workforce of a company are the most essential contributors towards profits, growth and success. Improving employee efficiency and performance are therefore major priorities for any company. With this growing need to continually boost employees' productivity, workplace coaching has become very popular among companies. This type of coaching is the best method to empower employees and thus contributing to organizational effectiveness.
02/12/2020 03:32 PM
Why You Should Hire Top Dollar Coaches Online
If you're broken, you should hire a coach. Some people think it's hard to get your life together but it isn't. You just need to hire the right coach to help you put things back where they belong. They sort out your stuff and put the parts back so you can find them. It's better than hiring someone to clean your kitchen. You can find your stuff when you hire a coach. And that's the truth!
02/05/2020 08:45 AM
Wellness Coaching Creating Your Story
We all live stories. Those stories are built on how we live every day. What would happen if you could decide the formula to live your ultimate story? Whatever you think of, you could achieve. This is a well-known path to succeeding at any goal. Because there are no limits on what decisions you make the next part of succeeding at writing your story is choosing what kind of character you want to be. This builds in certain qualities and values that will help guide you on the path you want to live.
01/29/2020 09:56 AM
The Wonderful Benefits of Coaching
VISION - MOTIVATION - FOCUS - CLARITY - ENERGY - SPEED - PRODUCTIVITY - RESULTS - SUCCESS - and more.. What could you do with this?
01/09/2020 06:43 PM
The Deadly Factors of Stress in the Workplace!
Where do you feel stress at work? Does it show up in conversations. Unmet deadlines or a workload that is not achievable? Read about what you can do to manage your stress before it takes a toll on you physically.
01/09/2020 06:41 PM
How Can Leaders Confront Their Blind Spots?
Learn about how to handle blind spots on the job. This can be scary but necessary if you want real growth.
12/16/2019 08:40 AM
The Four Agreements and Why I Take Them Personally
On the surface, the "Four Agreements" seem innocent, perhaps even thoughtful and wise. But then again, I would be a fool if I didn't always want to do my best; I am well aware that assumptions put an "ass" between "u" and "me"; and I have been teaching kids forever about how important "being impeccable with their word" is. As a navigator of life's river, this advice feels obvious. But when I come to "Don't Take Anything Personally," I can't help shaking my head at the simplicity of a journey that navigates on this "personal truth."
11/11/2019 10:37 AM
BYOB (Build Your Own Business)
If becoming a business owner is tugging at your heart there is a reason why. It could be a part of your purpose in life. And it might not be as hard as you think. With the right process and mentoring it is possible.
11/11/2019 10:36 AM
Go From Obstacles to Opportunities
Obstacles will happen, we can't control that. But we can control how we deal with them. Are we going to let them hold us back or push us forward? It's our choice. Obstacles can birth opportunities that can bless your life and the lives of others. Becoming a Certified Life Coach is one way you can transform obstacles into opportunities.
11/01/2019 12:59 PM
How To Get From Where You Are, to Where You Want to Be "Think, Think, Think"
Do you realize how powerful your thoughts are? Do you recognize the fact that your thoughts pre-pave the way to all that you do? In essence, your thoughts are like a magic wand that you wave over any situation. Make sure you are ordering what you want!
10/14/2019 02:06 PM
When "The Cause" Comes With Discomfort
So, how is your career's New Year's Resolution working out? By now, some of us are feeling good about effectively holding true to "the cause" we set out to pursue in the new year - but this is early into the year, I'm guessing most of us are still struggling with the discomfort that comes with the introduction of a significant change in our professional lives. This discomfort can come in many forms - lost time, longing for "the way things used to be," the pain of learning a new process and, of course, the feelings of inadequacy...
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
Getting Your Career Wish List Just Right
'Tis the season to decorate our homes, drink eggnog at Holiday parties, and buy gifts off each other's wish lists. The experience of asking one another what's on a wish list can always be a little awkward - mostly because they are going to turn and ask you the same question! When they do, are you ready to say exactly what it is so that you don't end up with fruitcake?
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
How To Achieve Your Career Resolution
Years ago I was talking with someone who was training to run a marathon. But as he got deeper into training, he found himself continually more worn out - not from the running, but from trying to keep up with all the other things he still had going on in his life! Simply put, there wasn't enough room in his life for his new goal of running a marathon and all the other hobbies, obligations and responsibilities he was already involved in.
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
Can You Hear Me?
Have you ever experienced a moment when you realized that the thing you asked your staff, teammates, or even your children to do yesterday still hasn't been done - even when you gave them very clear instructions? It's easy to point blame, but consider this: it could be they really didn't hear what you thought you communicated. We often don't effectively reach our goals because we fail to take into account how we communicate.
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
Is Change Making Your Career a Three-Ring Circus?
Everyone has a different reaction to unexpected change. Some embrace it. Others deflect it at all costs.
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
To Find Or Be Found? That Is The Question!
The Labor Department announced in June that the average length of unemployment is at an all-time high, the average being 39.7 weeks. Are these just the times we're living in?
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
Your Career Approach - Stop! Drop! And Roll!
I've lost count of how many Career Coaching clients I've worked with who lost their confidence during a job search. It's understandable. When you have been seeking a job for months (and sometimes even years), you're likely to become a victim of self-doubt.
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
Why Should You Hire Me?
It's the point blank question every hiring manager should ask in an interview - and the one that applicants almost never answer correctly. "Why Should I Hire You?" Hiring managers want to know what is unique about you, and they're not afraid to ask.
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
Where Is The "Hidden" Job Market?
Whether you're out of a job or looking to advance your career, you might be tempted to start the search on big career search sites like Monster.com or CareerBuilder.com. But studies have shown that the published market (including the internet) contains only about 20% to 25% of open jobs. But why?
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
How You See Yourself Impacts Networking
We've heard it a million times: "In order to find job opportunities, you have to network!" This message is as true as it is obvious. However, if you ask any given association, organization, support group or hiring manager, you'll probably find that everyone has a different idea of what networking actually means.
09/18/2019 01:35 PM
Be Inspired to Go Higher!
Coaching creates change. It can improve your life and the lives of others. Becoming a Certified Life Coach may be a dream of yours, but it won't manifest until you put that dream into action. What can you bring to the lives of others by stepping into your calling? Probably a lot more than you realize!
08/19/2019 10:01 AM
Empower Others to Stress Less and Live Their Best
Inner peace is a benefit available to all of us but not many people experience it. Why not? Because they have allowed stress to overpower them. If you have a passion to help others stress less and live their best then this article may be beneficial to you.
08/12/2019 09:04 AM
If Your Marketing Isn't Offensive, It Must Be Defensive
Do you deliberately drive away coaching clients? If not, why not? By not offending anyone, you're playing a weak and defensive game, and doing yourself no favours.
08/12/2019 08:59 AM
Declutter Your Thoughts With Brain Science
Are your negative thoughts getting the way of your success? Get on the decluttering bandwagon and apply it to your thinking. Improve your thinking, improve your life.
08/01/2019 07:49 PM
Change The Game
When your life is not going in the direction that you want. Follow these steps to change the game.
07/31/2019 08:03 PM
Become a Wellness Coach and Make a Difference
Becoming a wellness coach can provide you with an opportunity to educate and empower individuals to live the life they deserve to live. Many individuals are not living in holistic harmony and that needs to change. Bring your gifts and passion to the wellness coaching profession and make a difference.
06/24/2019 11:41 AM
Happiness End the Rat Race
End the Rat Race Life, like all wonderful vacations, must come to an end. While some may see this opening line as somewhat of a depressing thought, I hope many will also view it as sobering as well. Life is a temporary thing and very much like a vacation, it does not last forever.
06/11/2019 03:23 PM
The Entrepreneurial Success Plan for Coaches
Coaching is a booming industry but success is not guaranteed. But there are some things you can do to help fail-proof your business. Not doing these things could cost you your business, but doing these things can catapult your coaching success.
05/28/2019 09:22 AM
Ten Steps To Personal Freedom
Life can be frantic at times and we can so easily lose our perspective and end up living inside self imposed prisons of our own making. In this article I explore my top ten ways of finding personal freedom, leading to a stress free life which gives us time to breathe and live life to the full.
05/13/2019 09:59 AM
Leap Into Your Calling As A Coach
Coaching is an amazing career that has space for you! If you feel called to be a coach then it is time for you to take a leap into your purpose. There is an abundance of opportunities waiting for you!
04/24/2019 11:55 AM
Why People Invest in Peak Performance Coaches
Obviously, there are many different things that can spur someone to invest in a Peak Performance coach, but they all boil down to the same basic reason: to get better quicker. If you want to become more efficient, break through a seen or unseen barrier, learn how to communicate more effectively or learn new innovative strategies, they all involve doing what you do better. There is a common misconception that the more we do something the better we will get at doing that activity or vocation, however, the law of diminishing returns enters the picture rather quickly...
03/26/2019 12:27 PM
Joining the Army
The Law of Polarity states that everything has an opposite. For every bad situation there is something of equal or greater good or benefit on its way. After about 7 years into our marriage my husband started having a feeling like there was more, we should be doing in life.
01/30/2019 02:31 PM
What Are the Benefits Of Judiciary Coaching for Students?
Today, students of law are so busy with the theoretical aspect of their studies that they don't think about putting together some practical strategies for success down the road. As time goes by, competition among lawyers go up. Therefore, it's important for law students to get proper judicial coaching so that they are well prepared before you get into the practical phase of their life.
01/17/2019 02:46 PM
The Benefits Of Judiciary Coaching
Nowadays, most lawyers are so busy with their clients that they don't take the time to learn the most effective strategies for their professional success. With the passage of time, it's important for lawyers to reevaluate their strategies to ensure they are updated. We all go through ups and downs in our private and professional life. And lawyers are no exception. When they go through the feelings of dissatisfaction, most of them don't try to change just because they don't have any problem-solving tools. This is where law coaching comes into play. Let's find out why lawyers should opt for a coaching service to hone their skills.
11/06/2018 02:42 PM
How to Magnetically Attract Your Dream Coaching Clients
You can be the best coach in the world but if nobody knows you are there that is a disservice to you and to your potential clients. Knowing how to attract your dream coaching clients is a critical to your success as a coach. Once you know how to magnetically attract your dream coaching clients it can increase your impact and your income.


More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Our Worst Enemy
Who do you consider as your worst enemy? The criminals roamingthe dark streets? Your boss who's killing you mentally andemotionally with stress and harsh words? The people in office who are engaging in graft and corruption, instead of helpingthose in need? We have many implications of who our enemies are; but we haveone common foe who is the main cause of our failures andmisfortunes, and we're not even aware of this opponent. You may not want to admit it, but our worst enemy is ourselves.
6 Practices for Achieving Excellent Self-Care
Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) often feel like they are running behind schedule, and just don't have the time get everything done. As a result, many ADDers end up sacrificing their own self-care in order to scratch off items on their to-do lists.
7 Effective Ways To Boost Your Self Esteem
1. Get a life purpose statement.
Good, Good, Good, Good Intentions
I always do a lot of thinking about good intentions in December.It's not because I'm inspired by the holidays.
Finding Peace: A Taste of Mindfulness
When we are ill and don't know it, we are in a state of ignorance or delusion. We don't view ourselves as sick, so we don't believe it's necessary to go to a doctor or take any medication.
It's All To Do With The Way You Wake Up
Do you start your day with anger, frustration and annoyance at the alarm and the need to get up? Do you wake up hoping the day will go away and you can get back to sleep? Have you lost the fun? The confidence to have a go at things. Are you struggling along? Are you just going through the rituals of life? Are you just doing enough at work? Doing what is necessary because you think you 'ought, should, must do this for the sake of others? Do you feel all washed up and no one is interested in you? Do you feel devoid of vibrancy, and sense of purpose, an aimless victim buffeted by the winds of change? It's all to do with the way you wake up.
Surviving the Workday in Your Organization
Most people suffer from stress at some time during the day. When you recognise your own peak and low energy levels, you can work with your body clock to maintain high productivity and alertness.
Dare To Be Inconsistent, Lopsided, And Totally Courageous
I was talking to one of my coaching clients and she was talking about not being able to stay with a meditation practice, so she gave up meditating altogether. "I'm either gung ho all the way or I don't show up at all," she said in disgust.
Think Twice Before Youre Nice
A few months back I had a disturbing dream. In my dream a woman with stringy blonde hair rang my bell.
The Problem with Blame? If You Fix the Blame, You Ignore the Problem
Have you ever found yourself in a hurry to leave the house for an appointment when you could not find your car keys?Imagine that you and a friend are in a hurry to leave for an important event. You turn over the couch cushions, rifle through the newspapers on the dining room table, search your previous day's pants pockets, and dig through your purse.
Executive Coaching Case Studies
If you are wondering whether investment in executive coaching would promote your business growth, some case studies might help you in making a decision.Although confidentiality prevents me from going into too much detail, I think the following examples will give you an idea of how executive coaching can achieve good results in a variety of business situations.
Coaches, Do You Make These 7 Deadly Cash Flow Mistakes in Your Practice?
Managing cash flow is every small business owner's most important function. Avoid these seven deadly mistakes to make sure you aren't creating cash flow problems in your coaching practice.
12 Reasons to Develop Exceptional People Skills
Why should you bother to spend your valuable time learning how to develop exceptional people skills?Here's why..
What The Buddha Says About Coaches
There is a Buddhist saying that goes like this. "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill it."  This means to kill any concept of the Buddha as something apart from oneself.
Managing Your Perfectionism
What Is Perfectionism?This is the first of two newsletters that address perfectionism. In this issue, we will explore what perfectionism is and why it is destructive.
Communicating with Case Studies
Not long ago, I made a partnership pitch, on behalf of an organization I represent, to another organization with similar interests. If the idea had come to fruition, it would have radically changed our organization.
Going Beyond Life Coaching
In Corrogue the air is chill and the frost is on the ground.On these autumn mornings the spider's webs are glistening like each was arrayed with diamonds.
Make a Decision and Take Action!
How are you progressing with the goals you set yourself this year?Have you made a start? Or are you still thinking about it or caught the very popular "I'm too busy" epidemic?Mary's StoryMary runs her own publishing company employing 5 people. She is married with two teenagers.
Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 1)
He's been around since the dawn of humanity. His profession is even older than the world's oldest profession.
Guilt By Association & Wealth By It Too!
"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art." - Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.