Are You Invisible?

Ellen was brought up to be invisible. She was taught to be very tuned into others' feelings and needs, but to never have any of her own. Her family made it clear to her that her job was to give to them but to never expect anything in return. As a result, Ellen learned to be totally tuned out to her own feelings and needs. It was as if she, as a person, didn't really exist, other than to be there for others.

When Ellen's feelings and needs did surface, she would tell herself that they weren't important, that she was strong and could handle not having her feelings cared for and or her needs recognized. She convinced herself that if she just cared enough about others, others would eventually care about her. It never happened.

The inner stress of never attending to her own feelings and needs and always feeling so invisible to others as a result finally took a toll on Ellen's health. Ellen is now dealing with cancer and finally has to attend to herself.

Many of us have learned to be invisible - to ourselves and to others. What are some of the ways you create invisibility?

  • Do you remain silent, not speaking up for yourself, when feeling discounted or unseen by others?

  • Do you ignore your own feelings and needs in deference to others?

  • Do you go along with what others want, even if you really want something else?

  • Do you accept blame for things that you know are not really your responsibility?

  • Do you put aside your own opinions and accept the opinions of others to be accepted?

  • Do you accept disrespectful behavior from others, finding ways to excuse the behavior?

  • Do you pretend everything is okay when you are really feeling lonely or sad?

  • Are you conflict avoidant, preferring peace at any cost rather than rock the boat?

  • Are you carrying too much of the load at home or at work, without complaint?

  • Do you pretend to like a food, a movie, a topic of conversation, or sex, rather than run the risk of disapproval or rejection?

  • Do you allow yourself to be violated in any way - physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually - to avoid rejection?

  • Do you allow others' anger or bullying to control you into doing what they want?

  • Do you do everything yourself, never asking others for help?

How often do you end up feeling unappreciated, unseen, not valued? How much of this is a reflection of how you treat yourself?

If your own feelings and needs are invisible to yourself, they will end up being invisible to others. It is not realistic to constantly put yourself aside and then expect others to value and respect you. Anytime you tolerate uncaring or disrespectful behavior in others to avoid conflict, you are training others to see you as invisible, to not care about your feelings and needs.

If you have been allowing yourself to be invisible for a long time, it is a real challenge to start to care about yourself. You need to be willing to go through a difficult period of feeling others' anger and resentment. After all, you trained them for years to not have to care about you or see you, and now you are changing the rules. They won't like it, but they will eventually respect you for it. You will also discover in the process of caring about yourself who really cares about you and who has just been using you. Those people who really care about you will eventually applaud your self-care, while those who were just using you will go away or be constantly angry with you for changing.

It takes great courage to shift from invisibility to being seen and valued. It takes great courage to be willing to lose others rather than continue to lose yourself. Yet, like with Ellen, your very life may depend upon it. Hopefully, you will not wait until you are ill or feel alone and cast aside by others to start to become visible to yourself.

It must start with yourself - with learning to tune into, acknowledge, value, and take loving action for yourself regarding your own feelings and needs. It means moving into personal responsibility for your own feelings and needs rather than taking care of everyone else in the hopes they will eventually take care of you. If you are ever going to feel cared for and loved, it has to start with you caring about and being loving to yourself!

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now!

Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

More Resources

Self Improvement:Coaching Articles from EzineArticles.com
07/10/2020 04:49 PM
Celebrate Good Times, Come On!
Celebrating is good for the old mindset. This article offers from fun ways to do just that, celebrate!
07/02/2020 11:40 AM
To Be an Outstanding Communicator Your Voice Really Matters
"We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us." -Friedrich Nietzsche This is one of the quotes I have on my office "inspiration board," which reminds me every morning to sound my best on teleconferencing calls. We all wish to be "outstanding communicators" who can persuade people of our ideas and our visions of a new strategy.
06/15/2020 02:45 PM
The Differences We Pay Attention To
We have been on a long road as a human race. We should be able to come together by now. This is not the case. What is the difference that you are paying attention to? Is it possible for us to get past what has become an increasing trend in our recent history? It seems as if it can only go one of two ways. We come together and move forward as one humankind... or, we do not.
05/27/2020 09:02 AM
An Everlasting Debate - Which Is Better? Forgiveness or Retribution
This article discusses the topic of an everlasting debate, regarding the importance of forgiveness vs. retribution in man's life. Some people, including religious preachers, prefer forgiveness over the tendency of taking revenge. However, some people feel that retribution to some extent is needed for correcting the mindset of miscreants.
03/28/2020 07:45 PM
What Is Soul Coaching for Purpose?
How can a Soul Coach help me? Why working with a Soul Coach for Purpose - where does this bring me.
03/10/2020 02:46 PM
Coaching Employees in the Workplace for Improved Performance
In today's highly competitive business world, the most important asset of any company is human capital Tens, hundreds or thousands of employees that make up the workforce of a company are the most essential contributors towards profits, growth and success. Improving employee efficiency and performance are therefore major priorities for any company. With this growing need to continually boost employees' productivity, workplace coaching has become very popular among companies. This type of coaching is the best method to empower employees and thus contributing to organizational effectiveness.
02/12/2020 03:32 PM
Why You Should Hire Top Dollar Coaches Online
If you're broken, you should hire a coach. Some people think it's hard to get your life together but it isn't. You just need to hire the right coach to help you put things back where they belong. They sort out your stuff and put the parts back so you can find them. It's better than hiring someone to clean your kitchen. You can find your stuff when you hire a coach. And that's the truth!
02/05/2020 08:45 AM
Wellness Coaching Creating Your Story
We all live stories. Those stories are built on how we live every day. What would happen if you could decide the formula to live your ultimate story? Whatever you think of, you could achieve. This is a well-known path to succeeding at any goal. Because there are no limits on what decisions you make the next part of succeeding at writing your story is choosing what kind of character you want to be. This builds in certain qualities and values that will help guide you on the path you want to live.
01/29/2020 09:56 AM
The Wonderful Benefits of Coaching
VISION - MOTIVATION - FOCUS - CLARITY - ENERGY - SPEED - PRODUCTIVITY - RESULTS - SUCCESS - and more.. What could you do with this?
01/09/2020 06:43 PM
The Deadly Factors of Stress in the Workplace!
Where do you feel stress at work? Does it show up in conversations. Unmet deadlines or a workload that is not achievable? Read about what you can do to manage your stress before it takes a toll on you physically.
01/09/2020 06:41 PM
How Can Leaders Confront Their Blind Spots?
Learn about how to handle blind spots on the job. This can be scary but necessary if you want real growth.
12/16/2019 08:40 AM
The Four Agreements and Why I Take Them Personally
On the surface, the "Four Agreements" seem innocent, perhaps even thoughtful and wise. But then again, I would be a fool if I didn't always want to do my best; I am well aware that assumptions put an "ass" between "u" and "me"; and I have been teaching kids forever about how important "being impeccable with their word" is. As a navigator of life's river, this advice feels obvious. But when I come to "Don't Take Anything Personally," I can't help shaking my head at the simplicity of a journey that navigates on this "personal truth."
11/11/2019 10:37 AM
BYOB (Build Your Own Business)
If becoming a business owner is tugging at your heart there is a reason why. It could be a part of your purpose in life. And it might not be as hard as you think. With the right process and mentoring it is possible.
11/11/2019 10:36 AM
Go From Obstacles to Opportunities
Obstacles will happen, we can't control that. But we can control how we deal with them. Are we going to let them hold us back or push us forward? It's our choice. Obstacles can birth opportunities that can bless your life and the lives of others. Becoming a Certified Life Coach is one way you can transform obstacles into opportunities.
11/01/2019 12:59 PM
How To Get From Where You Are, to Where You Want to Be "Think, Think, Think"
Do you realize how powerful your thoughts are? Do you recognize the fact that your thoughts pre-pave the way to all that you do? In essence, your thoughts are like a magic wand that you wave over any situation. Make sure you are ordering what you want!
10/14/2019 02:06 PM
When "The Cause" Comes With Discomfort
So, how is your career's New Year's Resolution working out? By now, some of us are feeling good about effectively holding true to "the cause" we set out to pursue in the new year - but this is early into the year, I'm guessing most of us are still struggling with the discomfort that comes with the introduction of a significant change in our professional lives. This discomfort can come in many forms - lost time, longing for "the way things used to be," the pain of learning a new process and, of course, the feelings of inadequacy...
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
Getting Your Career Wish List Just Right
'Tis the season to decorate our homes, drink eggnog at Holiday parties, and buy gifts off each other's wish lists. The experience of asking one another what's on a wish list can always be a little awkward - mostly because they are going to turn and ask you the same question! When they do, are you ready to say exactly what it is so that you don't end up with fruitcake?
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
How To Achieve Your Career Resolution
Years ago I was talking with someone who was training to run a marathon. But as he got deeper into training, he found himself continually more worn out - not from the running, but from trying to keep up with all the other things he still had going on in his life! Simply put, there wasn't enough room in his life for his new goal of running a marathon and all the other hobbies, obligations and responsibilities he was already involved in.
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
Can You Hear Me?
Have you ever experienced a moment when you realized that the thing you asked your staff, teammates, or even your children to do yesterday still hasn't been done - even when you gave them very clear instructions? It's easy to point blame, but consider this: it could be they really didn't hear what you thought you communicated. We often don't effectively reach our goals because we fail to take into account how we communicate.
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
Is Change Making Your Career a Three-Ring Circus?
Everyone has a different reaction to unexpected change. Some embrace it. Others deflect it at all costs.
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
To Find Or Be Found? That Is The Question!
The Labor Department announced in June that the average length of unemployment is at an all-time high, the average being 39.7 weeks. Are these just the times we're living in?
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
Your Career Approach - Stop! Drop! And Roll!
I've lost count of how many Career Coaching clients I've worked with who lost their confidence during a job search. It's understandable. When you have been seeking a job for months (and sometimes even years), you're likely to become a victim of self-doubt.
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
Why Should You Hire Me?
It's the point blank question every hiring manager should ask in an interview - and the one that applicants almost never answer correctly. "Why Should I Hire You?" Hiring managers want to know what is unique about you, and they're not afraid to ask.
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
Where Is The "Hidden" Job Market?
Whether you're out of a job or looking to advance your career, you might be tempted to start the search on big career search sites like Monster.com or CareerBuilder.com. But studies have shown that the published market (including the internet) contains only about 20% to 25% of open jobs. But why?
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
How You See Yourself Impacts Networking
We've heard it a million times: "In order to find job opportunities, you have to network!" This message is as true as it is obvious. However, if you ask any given association, organization, support group or hiring manager, you'll probably find that everyone has a different idea of what networking actually means.
09/18/2019 01:35 PM
Be Inspired to Go Higher!
Coaching creates change. It can improve your life and the lives of others. Becoming a Certified Life Coach may be a dream of yours, but it won't manifest until you put that dream into action. What can you bring to the lives of others by stepping into your calling? Probably a lot more than you realize!
08/19/2019 10:01 AM
Empower Others to Stress Less and Live Their Best
Inner peace is a benefit available to all of us but not many people experience it. Why not? Because they have allowed stress to overpower them. If you have a passion to help others stress less and live their best then this article may be beneficial to you.
08/12/2019 09:04 AM
If Your Marketing Isn't Offensive, It Must Be Defensive
Do you deliberately drive away coaching clients? If not, why not? By not offending anyone, you're playing a weak and defensive game, and doing yourself no favours.
08/12/2019 08:59 AM
Declutter Your Thoughts With Brain Science
Are your negative thoughts getting the way of your success? Get on the decluttering bandwagon and apply it to your thinking. Improve your thinking, improve your life.
08/01/2019 07:49 PM
Change The Game
When your life is not going in the direction that you want. Follow these steps to change the game.
07/31/2019 08:03 PM
Become a Wellness Coach and Make a Difference
Becoming a wellness coach can provide you with an opportunity to educate and empower individuals to live the life they deserve to live. Many individuals are not living in holistic harmony and that needs to change. Bring your gifts and passion to the wellness coaching profession and make a difference.
06/24/2019 11:41 AM
Happiness End the Rat Race
End the Rat Race Life, like all wonderful vacations, must come to an end. While some may see this opening line as somewhat of a depressing thought, I hope many will also view it as sobering as well. Life is a temporary thing and very much like a vacation, it does not last forever.
06/11/2019 03:23 PM
The Entrepreneurial Success Plan for Coaches
Coaching is a booming industry but success is not guaranteed. But there are some things you can do to help fail-proof your business. Not doing these things could cost you your business, but doing these things can catapult your coaching success.
05/28/2019 09:22 AM
Ten Steps To Personal Freedom
Life can be frantic at times and we can so easily lose our perspective and end up living inside self imposed prisons of our own making. In this article I explore my top ten ways of finding personal freedom, leading to a stress free life which gives us time to breathe and live life to the full.
05/13/2019 09:59 AM
Leap Into Your Calling As A Coach
Coaching is an amazing career that has space for you! If you feel called to be a coach then it is time for you to take a leap into your purpose. There is an abundance of opportunities waiting for you!
04/24/2019 11:55 AM
Why People Invest in Peak Performance Coaches
Obviously, there are many different things that can spur someone to invest in a Peak Performance coach, but they all boil down to the same basic reason: to get better quicker. If you want to become more efficient, break through a seen or unseen barrier, learn how to communicate more effectively or learn new innovative strategies, they all involve doing what you do better. There is a common misconception that the more we do something the better we will get at doing that activity or vocation, however, the law of diminishing returns enters the picture rather quickly...
03/26/2019 12:27 PM
Joining the Army
The Law of Polarity states that everything has an opposite. For every bad situation there is something of equal or greater good or benefit on its way. After about 7 years into our marriage my husband started having a feeling like there was more, we should be doing in life.
01/30/2019 02:31 PM
What Are the Benefits Of Judiciary Coaching for Students?
Today, students of law are so busy with the theoretical aspect of their studies that they don't think about putting together some practical strategies for success down the road. As time goes by, competition among lawyers go up. Therefore, it's important for law students to get proper judicial coaching so that they are well prepared before you get into the practical phase of their life.
01/17/2019 02:46 PM
The Benefits Of Judiciary Coaching
Nowadays, most lawyers are so busy with their clients that they don't take the time to learn the most effective strategies for their professional success. With the passage of time, it's important for lawyers to reevaluate their strategies to ensure they are updated. We all go through ups and downs in our private and professional life. And lawyers are no exception. When they go through the feelings of dissatisfaction, most of them don't try to change just because they don't have any problem-solving tools. This is where law coaching comes into play. Let's find out why lawyers should opt for a coaching service to hone their skills.
11/06/2018 02:42 PM
How to Magnetically Attract Your Dream Coaching Clients
You can be the best coach in the world but if nobody knows you are there that is a disservice to you and to your potential clients. Knowing how to attract your dream coaching clients is a critical to your success as a coach. Once you know how to magnetically attract your dream coaching clients it can increase your impact and your income.
10/22/2018 02:02 PM
Move In the Moment
Divine opportunities are all around us but we have to move when the divine inspiration is there. If we don't we might miss it. When we are in the divine flow it can increase our purpose and prosperity.
10/16/2018 04:36 PM
3 Keys to Being a Successful Life Coach
Being a successful life coach means that you are excelling personally, professionally, and financially. The life coaching profession is booming and there are some great benefits available. This article will discuss three keys that can inspire and empower you to be a successful life coach.
09/17/2018 10:52 AM
Unleashing Faith In Business
Faith and business are not separate. Your faith is a important factor to your business success. As a entrepreneur things may not always be easy, but faith can give you the power to overcome any challenges, and succeed in a way that "blows your mind!"
09/17/2018 10:51 AM
Your Life Story Matters
You have a powerful story that can transform the lives of others. And your story matters. You might be surprised at how sharing your life story can catapult your success, and make a difference in the lives of others. And never think that your life story doesn't matter, because it does!
07/23/2018 08:08 AM
Formulation of Coaching Themes
The Coaching Programme is based on the purpose of the client's coaching intervention. This is recorded in a form of a coaching theme or topic. We should not coach without any coaching purpose. Once the theme is determined, the coach and the client formulate the coaching goal, and objectives. Whereas the coaching theme is responsive to the challenges and the client's desires, there are some common themes that may even be considered to be special coaching areas. The coach is informed by the context of the area and the client's perspectives. In this article I am addressing such common and generic themes, namely sport personality, community development, life & personality development, youth development, entrepreneurship development, relationship management, celebrity status, diversity management & inclusion, management & leadership, change management & transformation, and executive business.
07/11/2018 09:20 AM
Life Coaching Success - Life Success Planning
Planning to improve your life through coaching is based upon the partnership formed between the coach and the client. No goal is too small or to big for the coaching process. When you tackle a large goal you simply break it down into manageable pieces.
07/11/2018 09:18 AM
Do You Know What a Life Coach Does Exactly?
Many people do not understand what does a life coach does exactly but they have that a life coach can help them. This article focuses on explaining what a life coach actually does to help you reach your goals and obtain the results you want in life.
07/10/2018 10:09 AM
What Life Coaching Is Designed to Achieve
Life coaching is turning into a standard calling presenting abilities that numerous look to get. You might find that more individuals around you are getting instructed or notwithstanding concentrate to end up mentors. Significantly previous Google CEO Eric Schmidt advocates training, saying, "Everyone needs a mentor... each well-known competitor, each celebrated entertainer, has some person who's a mentor... somebody who can enable them to consider themselves to be others sees them."
06/30/2018 08:16 PM
Honour Your NO!
More and more I am discovering that we feel we can control others and we are giving our power away. We are justifying why we say NO, because we want approval, acceptance or feel the need to apologize, instead of honouring our NO!
06/20/2018 12:06 PM
Changing Limiting Self-Beliefs
The beliefs you have about yourself and life are fundamental in shaping your reality for better or worse, and affect all areas of your life, impacting the levels of success, happiness, and love you create and allow. If you believe you're not good enough or don't deserve, for example, you may experience painful accompanying emotions and realities that reflect that. Negative self-beliefs thwart your self-image and cloud and shroud the you within, skewing your true, happy, loving nature. You think you can't and you're probably right; you think you can and you're definitely right. You are what you think you are.


More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Trump University - Why Success Education Is Important
Trump University recently unveiled offers a bonanza of success secrets, success tips and success insights.Donald Trump, of the Apprentice says "The one sure way to success is to know everything you can about what you do", these words capture the true reason why Trump University exists.
Why a Coach is NOT a Consultant
Often while talking to people about my coaching practice I get asked what the difference is between a coach and a consultant. Many people believe they are either the same thing or very similar.
Coaching - An Adapting Tool For Attaining Fulfillment In The Global Economy
At a time when the global economy is bringing innovation, new ideas and new opportunities into the marketplace, outsourcing and the elimination of white-collar jobs has left many of us feeling anxious and insecure about the future. It is increasingly apparent that the American Worker can no longer look to the corporation for a sense of security, place, benefits or loyalty.
Business Career Executive Coaching Article -Motivator, Discipline and Desire
"There is a certain combination of desire and discipline in the way I work. Discipline by itself simply is not enough in the creative process.
The Non-Conscious Mind at Work. Harness it for Your Success
Thoughts are real things. As soon as you realize how to control your thoughts you are on your way to making vast changes in your daily success.
Dont Settle
Settling is about not embracing what is best for you, and accepting what you really don't want. When you settle, you accept less than you deserve.
You Have A Choice
I'm a relationship coach and, unlike most, I deal with those 'other' relationships. Of course, I make love happen without wings and an arrow, but I really make a difference with business relationships, family relationships, community relationships, old and stale relationships and all the rest that we take for granted, lost or forgotten.
HR Professional in New Avtaar: HR as a Coach and Mentor
IntroductionThese days in corporate sector, everybody is talking about the role of HR professional as a coach and mentor. People are exited as well as confused.
What Is Executive Presence?
Often our clients refer someone to us for Executive Coaching with a glowing description such as "This is one of our most valued and brilliant employees ?. But ?.
Are You Controlling or Loving Yourself?
How often do you hear a parental voice in your head that says things like, "You've got to lose weight," or "You should get up earlier every morning and exercise," or "Today I should get caught up on the bills," or "I've got to get rid of this clutter." Let's explore what happens in response to this voice.
More Money & Less Stress?
At 2pm last Wednesday, I got a call from one of my clients. Before I could barely utter my "hello," she launched headlong into her story - "I am so frustrated! I have this client who has been dragging her feet at every stage of our project.
Finding Peace: A Taste of Mindfulness
When we are ill and don't know it, we are in a state of ignorance or delusion. We don't view ourselves as sick, so we don't believe it's necessary to go to a doctor or take any medication.
Choosing an Apprentice
Along the path from where you are now to millions in revenue, thousands in readers, tens of thousands of prospects, or hundreds of clients -- whatever criteria you use to define success for your coaching..
Negotiating Difficult Life Transitions
Life is a process of beginnings and endings. In both life and nature, there are times when things move slowly and don't seem to change very much.
Dare To Be Inconsistent, Lopsided, And Totally Courageous
I was talking to one of my coaching clients and she was talking about not being able to stay with a meditation practice, so she gave up meditating altogether. "I'm either gung ho all the way or I don't show up at all," she said in disgust.
Priorities: Are You Living Yours?
In the Charles Dickens classic, "The Christmas Story", Scrooge is given the opportunity to examine his life and his priorities before it is too late. Upon being shown his grave by the ghost of Christmas Future, he asks "Spirit, are these instances of things that will be or are they of things that might be? Is it too late for me?" How long has it been since you have examined your life and its direction? When the day comes that you leave this earth, how will you be remembered?Have you ever noticed that once people have something life-changing take place in their lives, an illness, death or tragedy, how quickly their priorities change? It is amazing how instantaneously things that were so important yesterday, fail to cross their radar screens today.
Is Your Attitude Destroying Your Health?
A positive attitude may bring good health and success. If you have ever read any book about success you will discover how an optimistic attitude will keep you healthier and tremendously increase your chances of success.
3 Keys to Making Small Talk Easy to Do
Small talk used to be really hard work for me. I never knew what to say and I always worried about saying the wrong thing.
It's All To Do With The Way You Wake Up
Do you start your day with anger, frustration and annoyance at the alarm and the need to get up? Do you wake up hoping the day will go away and you can get back to sleep? Have you lost the fun? The confidence to have a go at things. Are you struggling along? Are you just going through the rituals of life? Are you just doing enough at work? Doing what is necessary because you think you 'ought, should, must do this for the sake of others? Do you feel all washed up and no one is interested in you? Do you feel devoid of vibrancy, and sense of purpose, an aimless victim buffeted by the winds of change? It's all to do with the way you wake up.
Passport to Passion
Passion is a feeling of excitement and intensity. The energy of passion fuels a fulfilled life, and supports the growth and development of our personal purpose and potential.