Good, Good, Good, Good Intentions

I always do a lot of thinking about good intentions in December.

It's not because I'm inspired by the holidays. I'm simply observing the anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Each year, around December 10th, I reread that incredible document just to remind myself that as humans, we can all agree on what it means to have basic rights and to be treated fairly. It's an inspiring piece of writing, and it fills my heart with hope--that is, until I remember that we don't seem to be making much progress on the goals we set for ourselves 55 years ago.

From the time we're very young, we learn that there is a difference between what we mean to do and what actually happens. After a scuffle, your mother asked, "Did you do it on purpose or by accident?" It was sometimes okay to kick your brother in the teeth as long as you didn't mean to do it--like, say, if you were reaching a toy for him on the top shelf and stepped back wildly on your way down. You were trying to help, you caused pain accidentally, you felt bad about it, so it was excused.

Now that we're adults, are our accidents excused? Do good intentions serve as a sort of "Get out of jail free" card? Not exactly.

Democritus, the Greek philosopher and physicist, said: "My enemy is not the man who wrongs me, but the man who means to wrong me." Tell that to the mother of a child killed by a drunk driver. Bad things happen, even when they are completely unintentional and repulsive to the perpetrators. Negligent homicide isn't intentional, but the results are the same as if the guilty party carefully planned and carried out his attack.

If we watch the news, we see all kinds of examples of good intentions that go terribly wrong. Whether we're talking about the results of a new Walmart or a new war, we can't always get what we want, but if we try real hard, we just might find--we screw things up royally. (apologies to the Rolling Stones)

The latest brain research tells us that it's possible to make things happen by simply having a clear intention. As long as we look in the mirror every day and repeat, "I will become a millionaire and benefactress, feeding the poor with my great wealth", then eventually we'll be writing those fat checks to the local food bank.

Unfortunately, those mirror musings don't always focus on the good intentions behind the goal. Given the option of manifesting our destiny, we tend to go with our top choice. The millionaire thing wins out--we can't open door number two (becoming a benefactress) without opening door number one first. Consequently, we end up with a whole lot of people repeating the millionaire mantra every day, and the real intention--giving generously--gets lost in the shuffle.

The same thing happens on a much larger scale all around the world. Rich countries want to help poor countries. They need to raise money in order to give it away. In order to raise that money, they need to show results from previous efforts. To get positive results, they have to come up with programs that sound feasible and promise outstanding outcomes. They must jump through the appropriate hoops. Any grant writer can tell you that there is an art to getting money, and it has very little to do with good intentions.

We need guidelines even when we have the best of intentions, but sometimes we get so caught up in following our plan that we fail to do the right thing. A recent news story told of a local organization that missed out on over $700,000 in funding it receives from a particular agency each year. Why? The grant application was submitted using margins that were four letters too wide. The agency expressed regret that they would be unable to support this worthy but unfortunate group this year, but stood by its strict rules as a means of filtering out those who are not able to follow instructions to the letter.

We use good intentions as a cloak on far too many occasions. There are times when it's necessary to recognize that where we're headed wasn't anywhere on our map when we started the journey. Just because we mean well doesn't mean it's okay to keep going in the wrong direction.

It's fine to figure out what you want, and it's okay to ask for it. There's certainly no reason why we shouldn't think of ways to improve ourselves and our world and set out to achieve our goals.

But it's not okay to pursue an activity once we realize that the original intention--the reason for beginning in the first place--has been lost in the flurry of activity required to pursue it. If you kick your brother in the teeth while stealing his toy, you're going to get in trouble, and Mom will show no mercy.

We know what we want for all humans on the planet. It's right there in writing, in that document which has been translated into over 300 languages. We're not even close to achieving all that we want, or all that we can. We created a beautiful promise in that proclamation, but we've become too distracted to make it our priority.

If Mom were taking care of this, she'd sit us down and make us read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights until we knew its salient features by heart. We'd emerge from our bedroom contrite and committed to being a better citizen. We'd do our best to please her and to make things right, not because we feared her wrath but because we knew she was lovingly teaching us what it means to be excellent.

O Mother, where art thou?

About The Author

Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse. Her work has inspired thinkers in over 70 countries around the world. Her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, serves up a satisfying blend of clarity, comfort and comic relief. To subscribe, visit http://www.massageyourmind.com.

maya@massageyourmind.com

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Get Coached!
Coaching is a hot trend at a growing number of companies, from IBM and Dow Chemical to entrepreneurial start ups. According to a recent survey by The Hay Group, an international human resources consultancy, between 25 percent and 40 percent of Fortune 500 companies use executive coaches.
Using Audio Programs to Increase Your Knowledge and Productivity
If you do any significant amount of driving, a simple thing you can do to increase your productivity is to listen to audio programs in your car. If your commute time to work is 45 - 60 minutes each way, you can easily listen to at least 1 book each week.
Business Career, Executive Coaching Article - Leadership: Understanding the Human Condition
"Nothing is more practical than for people to deepen themselves. The more you understand the human condition the more effective you are as a businessperson.
Good Communication is Easy - Isn't It?
My name is Steve Brummet and my business is to speak to businesses, teams, schools, churches, non profit organizations and just people about improving their communication skills. Most communication experts agree that good communication starts with understanding.
Diverse Marketing Strategies for Those Living with Disabilities
Imagine yourself as the only means of financially supporting you. A little scary isn't it? In today's economy, it is difficult living on a single income.
Do You Want to Impress Others? Then Don't Talk ?Listen
Recently my friend Michelle was concerned about a professional conference she was planning to attend with her husband, a veterinarian. She has no background in veterinary science, so she did not think she would be able to effectively communicate with the people at the conference.
Top Ten Things You Would Never Hear a Coach Say (or then again?!)
When coaching, it's all about the client, be that as a professional coach, or a line manager/business owner using coaching skills in their own business, with their own people. But it's so easy sometimes to turn the tables and be the client.
Make Progress Now: Take the Hand Brakes Off Your Life!
Do you find yourself striving upward in life yet making little or no progress?Are you high on activity but low on achievement?Very clearly, it's time to stop, look and listen.You're obviously not doing something right.
Feeling Self-Conscious? 6 Tips to Turn it Around Fast!
When you feel self-conscious it means you are putting too much attention on your self, too much focus on what you are doing and how you are doing it. And this is a formula for poor performance.
New Definition of Retirement
A new definition of retirement is evolving. It's one that's focused on continual exploration, learning and growth.
Success: Cant Achieve It By Yourself? Pay A Professional!
So many people go through the motions of trying to achieve success. But just going through the motions doesn't work.
Take Responsibility for Reshaping Your Life
We say we want to eat better, feel better, and look better. But in order to make our goals materialize, we have to take responsibility for what we want by taking the appropriate actions.
Nourishing Your Network
It takes less effort to keep an existing customer than to gain a new customer.This is Business 101.
Mindfulness and Multiple Intelligences: 8 Ways to Pay Attention
How are you smart?Let me count the ways.Harvard professor Howard Gardner was the first to describe the concept of Multiple Intelligences.
Should I Get A Coach?
Why should or would someone hire a life coach? Well, why would anyone purchase the services of a personal trainer, and interior designer or a sports coach - any professional "assistant" for that matter? After all, we all know how to exercise, how to hang a curtain and how to play our own game. But we hire a professional because we know that they will hold us accountable on our goals and objectives - and since we're paying good money for them to be there, often whether we show up or not, we have an added incentive to do so ourselves.
Tips for Writing Great Coaching E-Books
Never understimate the power of a well-written word. Tens of thousands of readers of coaching ebooks have had their lives changed for the better by a well written ebook.
How to Solve Disputes with the Helicopter Talk Technique
Do you ever find that when a friend asks for your opinion on a problem it is a lot easier for you to see a solution than it is for your friend?And do you also find that sometimes you feel completely stuck when it comes to your own problems?The same applies to disputes, relationship issues and disagreements.When you are part of the problem it can be very difficult to see a solution.
Coaching for Success
Coaching is perhaps the most effective method of increasing performance available to managers, team leaders, and colleagues. This article defines coaching and outlines a process for effective coaching.
Unhook From The Perpetual Progress Grid
I have been a member of a group called the Women in BusinessConnection (WIBC for short) in Cambridge, MA for about fouryears. We get together for lunch meetings once a month.
What in the World is Life Coaching?
In my speaking engagements I have often compared coaching today to psychotherapy in the 1920s. The level of public understanding of coaching, outside of people in a certain socio-demographic category, is still in its infancy.