Boost Your Self-Esteem

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem literally means to esteem, or respect, yourself. Having high self-esteem means that you have a positive image of yourself. Let's look at where such a positive self-image comes from.

In her classic book Celebrate Yourself, Dorothy Corkville Briggs makes a distinction between the real you and your self-image. She says that the real you is unique and unchanging. Most of your self-image-what you think is true about yourself-is learned. It is not necessarily accurate at all!

Where are your beliefs about yourself drawn from? Where did you learn them? If you think about it, you'll see that they came from:

• What others said about you
• What others told you
• What others did to you

Your self-image is the result of all the messages you heard about yourself as a child. These messages added up to a set of beliefs about who you are. It may have nothing to do with who you really are.

For example, you may believe things like:

• I'm not very smart.
• I'm naturally passive.
• Girls aren't any good at math.
• I'm too old to start over.
• All of the women in the Breski family become doctors.
• I'm painfully shy.
• The Hurleys never lie.

In addition to learning to believe certain things during our early years, there are certain situations that make most people feel inferior or lacking in self-esteem.

Some examples are:

• Being criticized
• Not being loved
• Being rejected
• Experiencing failure

What Low Self-Esteem Feels Like

In situations like these above, it is not uncommon to feel emotions such as:

• Sadness
• Inferiority
• Anger
• Jealousy
• Rejection

Cognitive Therapy

Cognitive therapy is one of the most successful methods for helping people feel better about themselves. Cognitive therapists help depressed and anxious people feel better by identifying how faulty ways of thinking are making them feel bad. They believe that faulty thoughts cause us to feel bad, which makes us feel bad about ourselves.

Cognitive therapists call these faulty ways of thinking "twisted thinking." Cognitive therapy is a process where the client analyzes his or her thoughts and beliefs, and learns to substitute more healthy ways of thinking and believing. These therapists help their clients feel better in four steps: First, identify the upsetting events that cause bad feelings; second, record your thoughts about the event; third, identify the distortions in your thinking process; and fourth, substitute rational responses. When the client successfully completes these four steps, the client usually feels better about him- or herself.

Thinking the right kinds of thoughts is one way to feel good about yourself. Now let's talk about a second way to increase your self-esteem: by taking a look at your life environment and seeing whether it supports you feeling good about yourself. You may find that some nourishing elements need to be replenished. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Do you have people in your life who:

1. Treat you with love and respect?

2. Encourage you to do and be anything you want?

3. Help you find out what you want to do, and how to do it?

4. Encourage you to explore all of your talents and interests?

5. Are thrilled when you succeed?

6. Listen to you when you need to complain?

7. Help you bounce back from failure without making you feel bad?

Take a moment to think about each of the items on this list. Note where your environment is providing adequately for you, and where it is lacking. This can give you clues to how to build your own self-esteem.

Strategies for Esteem Building

1. Pay attention to how you are feeling from moment to moment. Tune in to what your five senses are experiencing. Take it down to the most basic level of "I feel warm right now," "I feel light-headed," "I feel a tightness in my stomach."

2. Revisit your interests and goals. Make a list of things you'd like to do and learn. Today, take one step toward learning more.

3. Spend less time with critical people and more time with those who appreciate you.

4. Spend some time with yourself at the end of each day. Review what happened and how you were feeling. Write about it in a private journal.

5. If you are feeling bad about yourself, consider finding a therapist to help you get your life on a positive track.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or at 201-303-4303.

More Resources

Self Improvement:Coaching Articles from EzineArticles.com
12/01/2021 01:22 PM
It's Not Recovery That Hurts, It's Your History
If you are the victim of narcissistic abuse by a parent, spouse or someone who was in a position of authority or control, you have probably experienced the paralysis of pain when you try to recover. That pain is not caused by your recovery, it is caused by the historic wounds on your soul.
10/26/2021 02:41 PM
NLP for New Year's Resolutions
Here we are past the doorstep of a new year again, but how many of us have actually become "better people" with the clock's strike of 12? Why do new year's resolutions very rarely last? What can NLP contribute to making new year's resolutions last?
10/19/2021 07:26 PM
Why People Claim That NLP Doesn't Work
Why do some people claim that NLP doesn't work for them? How come it works for others? What do the people for whom NLP doesn't work have in common?
10/19/2021 07:06 PM
Anxiety My Own Demons
Worry, fear, and anxiety are a normal part of our life. Have you experienced feeling anxious before taking an exam and later find out that you got a higher result more than what you've expected? Or, feeling anxious for a job interview and ended up getting hired, or feeling frightened walking down an alley where bad things often happened? Normal anxiety helps us cope in any stressful situation, it also keeps us watchful. Mental health professional are not concerned with normal anxiety. But, if your anxiety suddenly occur without apparent reason and lasts for weeks to months and happens in most days than not, that is another issue. If anxiety persists in most days than not, and takes longer than six months, it has become an immobilizing disorder.
10/19/2021 06:12 PM
How to Crack SSC CGL 2018 TIER 1 WITHOUT COACHING IN 2 MONTHS
To begin with talks about STAFF SELECTION COMMISSION (SSC). SSC is an Individual body which comes under Government of India. SSC conducts the many exams according to Physical and Educational eligibility.
10/19/2021 06:03 PM
Who Is the Producer of Your Life?
We've all read the history books and been inspired by the countless individuals who have come before us, and revolutionized the way life is managed. Revolutions take strength. They are not for the weak of heart. But the reward and benefit of fighting for what you believe brings freedom to your heart and your mind. I'm encouraging you to pursue a revolution of your own. Only this battle will be fought and won in your mind. In far too many instances, your imagination, your brain, your will and your emotions have become the playground for the dark energy that seeks to rule and disable your ability to choose and live with freedom. The cerebral landscape of your mind needs to be fully and capably in your hands. So sit back and let me present my defense. It's time for a revolution of the intellect, because living in mass delusion and confusion is not an option, and freedom is your birthright.
10/19/2021 05:58 PM
Get Help From Your Personal Alchemist and Change Your Lifestyle
Your mindset plays a great role in building your life. The way you think and act can have a great impact on your future. So in order to make right decisions and guarantee your perfect future you need to accept all the ups and downs of life.
10/04/2021 09:28 AM
NLP for Breaking Vicious Circles
We all know too well how hard beginning to build good habits or getting back into good habits can be. Breaking vicious circles to get into virtuous ones is the hardest thing for many people. That is why many poor or fat people remain poor or fat, etc.
10/04/2021 09:26 AM
The Mirror-Mind Method of Enlightenment
How can you be who you really are if you don't know who you really are? Detachment is the ultimate mindset for higher level being and performing.
09/27/2021 08:55 AM
Why Too Many Trainings Aren't Good for You
Surely there's nothing like too much learning. Learning never stops and we'll never know everything. So isn't it the case that the more we learn, the better?
09/20/2021 10:15 AM
NLP and Self-Sabotage
Why do many people sabotage themselves when they approach the peak of something they've been improving, developing, building for a while? How can NLP help stop this self-sabotage and shift us to a higher ground?
09/09/2021 05:49 PM
Do Guarantees for Success of Life Coaching Exist?
Do guarantees for the success of life coaching exist? Is life coaching guaranteed to help you? Is life coaching a good return on your investment?
09/08/2021 09:55 AM
Why Keeping the Momentum of Life Coaching Is Important
Many clients who start life coaching start skipping the weekly sessions after the first few sessions. Hence they break the momentum of the coaching process with excuses of other priorities. Why is it important to discipline yourself to keep the momentum of coaching?
05/10/2021 05:35 PM
Words About Changing in Life
Change is constant even if we do not like it. We can fight, resist, try to go backwards but change will still be there when we are spent out and exhausted from all our efforts. At times we can even try to blank it out with distractions hoping that things will go back to normal. Only to come back and realise all that was futile, it only gives us a momentary escape but we are still in the process of change, unfolding within and outside of ourselves. The truth really is we are the change noticed only when we embrace that truth as it is in an observer of our own unique realities.
01/08/2021 11:35 AM
3 Major Differences Between New Year's Resolutions and Intentions
We have finally come to the end of another year, a year that disrupted our way of life right at the nuclear level. It's been a roller coaster of a year, both humbling and eye-opening for everybody. The biggest eye-opener was no doubt the fickle nature of life - how things can drastically change literally overnight.
01/06/2021 10:19 AM
Career Advice On How To Write A Resume Effectively For All Industries
A resume is very much important as it will give the first impression to the employers at the time of submitting your job application. There are lots of experienced professionals who actually find it difficult to write a resume for any new role. Each industry requires a resume which is not much different from the other let us how to write a resume with the following set of rules as a career advice: Do not fix your photo unless and until it is required Highlight the important and the most relevant points...
12/28/2020 06:30 PM
I Won In 2021!
There are many lessons learned after dealing with the pandemic as well as all the other issues we faced in 2020. Many people also experienced a range of emotions - some they may have never dealt with before. Throughout it though, we needed to believe (and continue to believe) that we will overcome all of this and that life will get better.
12/04/2020 09:07 AM
Do You Walk the Walk or Just Talk the Talk?
We've all no doubt had experience of people who 'know it all', who claim to be skilled and proficient in many areas, who make very impressive statements about their experience and abilities but who then repeatedly fail to deliver what's they've promised. Or those who constantly boast, are full of grand ideas and plans, yet none ever materialise. Why is it that sometimes people talk the talk but fail to walk the walk?
11/30/2020 10:20 AM
One Secret You Need To Know To Approach A Girl
Imagine if you could walk up to any woman, and just talk? Just have a conversation and not be afraid. If that whats you want then you need this to know this one secret.
11/23/2020 07:46 AM
Heal Your Mind, Heal Your Life
Let's be frank from the onset: grief is inevitable in life and affects anyone regardless of creed, race, genders, and beliefs. There is no way to avoid grief, however, there are many ways to avoid that the damaging effects of a prolonged grieving period embed severe consequences on the lifestyle itself. Thankfully, neuroscience comes our way and brings increasing evidence that our mind and body synergies can be worked with or accompanied and convert into long-lasting benefits what could instead alter and potentially severely damage health and lifestyle.
11/09/2020 12:50 PM
5 Fun Simple Ways to Get Out of Your Way
In my years of being a coach is not often as easy as others pose to be. It takes hard work, patience, persistence, connection to my source.
10/30/2020 09:12 AM
How Working With a Positivity Coach Makes You Benefited?
Fast-Tracked Results If you don't have a specific goal you desire to achieve, being confused about where to start, or afraid of having an exact objective, you must be lacking the innate positivity that makes you insecure or timid. This is the exact place or time to join a positivity coach who can get you move on the right track to reach the goal that you're scared to think of today. In this competitive world with millions of unemployed youth suffering from deep depression and sadness, deficiency of self-confidence is nothing surprising and that is...
10/12/2020 10:04 AM
What Is Your Life Position?
How you think and feel about yourself will affect ever area of your life; it will impact on your behaviour and levels of performance. If this is all working out for you - great. If on the other hand things aren't working out as well as you hoped, then you might want to consider your life position; many of you will have a life position based upon conditional elements. Tis article will help you to identify your dominant life position.
07/10/2020 04:49 PM
Celebrate Good Times, Come On!
Celebrating is good for the old mindset. This article offers from fun ways to do just that, celebrate!
07/02/2020 11:40 AM
To Be an Outstanding Communicator Your Voice Really Matters
"We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us." -Friedrich Nietzsche This is one of the quotes I have on my office "inspiration board," which reminds me every morning to sound my best on teleconferencing calls. We all wish to be "outstanding communicators" who can persuade people of our ideas and our visions of a new strategy.
06/15/2020 02:45 PM
The Differences We Pay Attention To
We have been on a long road as a human race. We should be able to come together by now. This is not the case. What is the difference that you are paying attention to? Is it possible for us to get past what has become an increasing trend in our recent history? It seems as if it can only go one of two ways. We come together and move forward as one humankind... or, we do not.
05/27/2020 09:02 AM
An Everlasting Debate - Which Is Better? Forgiveness or Retribution
This article discusses the topic of an everlasting debate, regarding the importance of forgiveness vs. retribution in man's life. Some people, including religious preachers, prefer forgiveness over the tendency of taking revenge. However, some people feel that retribution to some extent is needed for correcting the mindset of miscreants.
03/28/2020 07:45 PM
What Is Soul Coaching for Purpose?
How can a Soul Coach help me? Why working with a Soul Coach for Purpose - where does this bring me.
03/10/2020 02:46 PM
Coaching Employees in the Workplace for Improved Performance
In today's highly competitive business world, the most important asset of any company is human capital Tens, hundreds or thousands of employees that make up the workforce of a company are the most essential contributors towards profits, growth and success. Improving employee efficiency and performance are therefore major priorities for any company. With this growing need to continually boost employees' productivity, workplace coaching has become very popular among companies. This type of coaching is the best method to empower employees and thus contributing to organizational effectiveness.
02/12/2020 03:32 PM
Why You Should Hire Top Dollar Coaches Online
If you're broken, you should hire a coach. Some people think it's hard to get your life together but it isn't. You just need to hire the right coach to help you put things back where they belong. They sort out your stuff and put the parts back so you can find them. It's better than hiring someone to clean your kitchen. You can find your stuff when you hire a coach. And that's the truth!
02/05/2020 08:45 AM
Wellness Coaching Creating Your Story
We all live stories. Those stories are built on how we live every day. What would happen if you could decide the formula to live your ultimate story? Whatever you think of, you could achieve. This is a well-known path to succeeding at any goal. Because there are no limits on what decisions you make the next part of succeeding at writing your story is choosing what kind of character you want to be. This builds in certain qualities and values that will help guide you on the path you want to live.
01/29/2020 09:56 AM
The Wonderful Benefits of Coaching
VISION - MOTIVATION - FOCUS - CLARITY - ENERGY - SPEED - PRODUCTIVITY - RESULTS - SUCCESS - and more.. What could you do with this?
01/09/2020 06:43 PM
The Deadly Factors of Stress in the Workplace!
Where do you feel stress at work? Does it show up in conversations. Unmet deadlines or a workload that is not achievable? Read about what you can do to manage your stress before it takes a toll on you physically.
01/09/2020 06:41 PM
How Can Leaders Confront Their Blind Spots?
Learn about how to handle blind spots on the job. This can be scary but necessary if you want real growth.
12/16/2019 08:40 AM
The Four Agreements and Why I Take Them Personally
On the surface, the "Four Agreements" seem innocent, perhaps even thoughtful and wise. But then again, I would be a fool if I didn't always want to do my best; I am well aware that assumptions put an "ass" between "u" and "me"; and I have been teaching kids forever about how important "being impeccable with their word" is. As a navigator of life's river, this advice feels obvious. But when I come to "Don't Take Anything Personally," I can't help shaking my head at the simplicity of a journey that navigates on this "personal truth."
11/11/2019 10:37 AM
BYOB (Build Your Own Business)
If becoming a business owner is tugging at your heart there is a reason why. It could be a part of your purpose in life. And it might not be as hard as you think. With the right process and mentoring it is possible.
11/11/2019 10:36 AM
Go From Obstacles to Opportunities
Obstacles will happen, we can't control that. But we can control how we deal with them. Are we going to let them hold us back or push us forward? It's our choice. Obstacles can birth opportunities that can bless your life and the lives of others. Becoming a Certified Life Coach is one way you can transform obstacles into opportunities.
11/01/2019 12:59 PM
How To Get From Where You Are, to Where You Want to Be "Think, Think, Think"
Do you realize how powerful your thoughts are? Do you recognize the fact that your thoughts pre-pave the way to all that you do? In essence, your thoughts are like a magic wand that you wave over any situation. Make sure you are ordering what you want!
10/14/2019 02:06 PM
When "The Cause" Comes With Discomfort
So, how is your career's New Year's Resolution working out? By now, some of us are feeling good about effectively holding true to "the cause" we set out to pursue in the new year - but this is early into the year, I'm guessing most of us are still struggling with the discomfort that comes with the introduction of a significant change in our professional lives. This discomfort can come in many forms - lost time, longing for "the way things used to be," the pain of learning a new process and, of course, the feelings of inadequacy...
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
Getting Your Career Wish List Just Right
'Tis the season to decorate our homes, drink eggnog at Holiday parties, and buy gifts off each other's wish lists. The experience of asking one another what's on a wish list can always be a little awkward - mostly because they are going to turn and ask you the same question! When they do, are you ready to say exactly what it is so that you don't end up with fruitcake?
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
How To Achieve Your Career Resolution
Years ago I was talking with someone who was training to run a marathon. But as he got deeper into training, he found himself continually more worn out - not from the running, but from trying to keep up with all the other things he still had going on in his life! Simply put, there wasn't enough room in his life for his new goal of running a marathon and all the other hobbies, obligations and responsibilities he was already involved in.
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
Can You Hear Me?
Have you ever experienced a moment when you realized that the thing you asked your staff, teammates, or even your children to do yesterday still hasn't been done - even when you gave them very clear instructions? It's easy to point blame, but consider this: it could be they really didn't hear what you thought you communicated. We often don't effectively reach our goals because we fail to take into account how we communicate.
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
Is Change Making Your Career a Three-Ring Circus?
Everyone has a different reaction to unexpected change. Some embrace it. Others deflect it at all costs.
10/14/2019 02:05 PM
To Find Or Be Found? That Is The Question!
The Labor Department announced in June that the average length of unemployment is at an all-time high, the average being 39.7 weeks. Are these just the times we're living in?
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
Your Career Approach - Stop! Drop! And Roll!
I've lost count of how many Career Coaching clients I've worked with who lost their confidence during a job search. It's understandable. When you have been seeking a job for months (and sometimes even years), you're likely to become a victim of self-doubt.
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
Why Should You Hire Me?
It's the point blank question every hiring manager should ask in an interview - and the one that applicants almost never answer correctly. "Why Should I Hire You?" Hiring managers want to know what is unique about you, and they're not afraid to ask.
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
Where Is The "Hidden" Job Market?
Whether you're out of a job or looking to advance your career, you might be tempted to start the search on big career search sites like Monster.com or CareerBuilder.com. But studies have shown that the published market (including the internet) contains only about 20% to 25% of open jobs. But why?
10/14/2019 02:04 PM
How You See Yourself Impacts Networking
We've heard it a million times: "In order to find job opportunities, you have to network!" This message is as true as it is obvious. However, if you ask any given association, organization, support group or hiring manager, you'll probably find that everyone has a different idea of what networking actually means.
09/18/2019 01:35 PM
Be Inspired to Go Higher!
Coaching creates change. It can improve your life and the lives of others. Becoming a Certified Life Coach may be a dream of yours, but it won't manifest until you put that dream into action. What can you bring to the lives of others by stepping into your calling? Probably a lot more than you realize!
08/19/2019 10:01 AM
Empower Others to Stress Less and Live Their Best
Inner peace is a benefit available to all of us but not many people experience it. Why not? Because they have allowed stress to overpower them. If you have a passion to help others stress less and live their best then this article may be beneficial to you.


More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Recreating Yourself
So it's time for a change. You've taken that hard look in the mirror and you've decided that who you are is not who you want to be.
Use a Journal for Self-Discovery and Self-Expression
As a therapist, I often suggest to clients that they explore their feelings and thoughts by keeping a journal. Sometimes clients ask for a bit of direction with this process.
Make Progress Now: Take the Hand Brakes Off Your Life!
Do you find yourself striving upward in life yet making little or no progress?Are you high on activity but low on achievement?Very clearly, it's time to stop, look and listen.You're obviously not doing something right.
How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer - Part B for Business!
My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years I have counseled thousands of personal trainers, fitness directors and gym owners on how be successful in the health and fitness industry.
The Biggest Loser
I am a "Loser". You're gonna learn from this writing today the reason why you too must be a "Loser".
Permission To Have FUN
? Have you been working long hours? ? Have you been managing 10 (or more) tasks at once?? Are you combining several different personal and professional roles?99% of my clients are experts at managing lifestyles similar to those above and this issue is dedicated to all of you.Your reward for managing your lives so well is permission to have some FUN.
Empowering Vision
Playing Our Part:Sir Michael Costa was conducting a rehearsal, in which the orchestra was joined in a great chorus. About half way through the session, with the trumpets blaring, drums rolling, and violins singing their rich melody, the Piccolo player muttered to himself, "What good am I doing? I might as well not be playing.
Top Ten Tips for Living Authentically
1. Know your purposeAre you wandering through life with little direction - hoping that you'll find happiness, health and prosperity? Identify your life purpose or mission statement and you will have your own unique compass that will lead you to your truth north every time.
The Non-Conscious Mind at Work. Harness it for Your Success
Thoughts are real things. As soon as you realize how to control your thoughts you are on your way to making vast changes in your daily success.
Belief Management - The Missing Ingredient?
"Joan, I'm working so hard and I'm not getting anything done!" I have heard some version of this cry of frustration by many an entrepreneur. It's a common complaint voiced by those of use who sought the freedom to have complete authority over our schedules, only to find ourselves unwittingly shackled by old ways of operating.
The Top 10 BEST Things About Having a Coach
Obviously, there are many wonderful things about having a personal coach to support and encourage you. Everyone develops their own working relationship with their coach, and each situation is unique.
Choosing The Right Coach
Coaching has become a very popular way for people to get the ongoing support they need to accomplish their goals. However, choosing a coach can be tricky.
The Amazing Secret To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness
One of the biggest challenges to developing superior communication skills is that you already have your hands full in those situations where you need help. Take a typical scenario - meeting new people.
What Rules!
There are things that we do automatically internally that we don't even realize are the things that make us who we are. Our own rules for living that we hardly ever question, and even less frequently examine.
Coaching for Success
Coaching is perhaps the most effective method of increasing performance available to managers, team leaders, and colleagues. This article defines coaching and outlines a process for effective coaching.
How to Control Your Anger: Retreat and Think Things Over
How to Control Your Anger: Retreat and Think Things OverJim and Mary Jones loved each other deeply, but often went into horrific verbal battles over any number of issues. They would argue and yell for hours, often into the night, leaving both of them exhausted, emotionally disconnected, hurt and resentful toward each other.
Emotional Dependency or Emotional Responsibility
Emotional dependency means getting one's good feelings from outside oneself. It means needing to get filled from outside rather than from within.
Six Steps for Creating Work-Life Balance
Today an increasing number of us are experiencing burnout, low productivity, insomnia, and stress related illnesses?undoubtedly due to a lack of balance between our work and personal lives. It's time to look at how we can create greater balance in our work and personal lives.
How to Effectively Balance Your Work and Family Life
What Is Your Definition of Success?If you want to create balance in your life, it is important to know how you define success. The following list is a place to start.
Living In The Now
I hope you are sitting down as you read this! You cannot begin to work on this kind of subject without addressing the subject of time itself - and when was the last time you did that?There are three basic areas or modules of time that are most commonly referred to:1)The Past2)The Present3)The FutureWhat I would like to do is have you work out where the "present" is though. In the time it has taken you to read just those last few words, that space in time that we might refer to as the present has gone.